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What are you waiting for?
This poem was written May 22nd 2009 in rememberance of my grandfather who died May 2nd. Since I can't move it, this is just a repost from my Life blog. Enjoy.
Broken
I feel like I'm in a million places
Scattered across the wind
Nothing to say
With no where to go
My mind vanishes with all the faces
As the poison caresses my breath
As another day closer to cancer
Withers away to die
Tears unlike the falling rain
This well has run dry.
As the sky falls down around me
I lull myself to sleep,
With a false sense of security
These years have devoured me.
While I lay here in slumber
The days increase with numbers
Will I ever wake up to this life
That has forsaken me,
Trapped me in this nightmare,
And cut me like a knife?
Until then I will lay here broken
Shattered into a million pieces
Scattered over a million places
Left to wither away and die
Until he lifts me up
And tells me the reasons why.
This One Night
It always seems like
Nothing is truly forever
But I really feel like
That I've waited my whole life
For this one night
I want to make this right
Cuz I've only got one life
It's just the three of us
Me you and forever
For once at all
And I'll let you fall, not ever
Just take my hand
I feel like i'm in another world
When our souls are intertwined
On these two feet I stand.
Is this what love is?
You make me feel so high off the ground
With such a long way down
And it only took this one night
To redeem my whole life
Of searching, waiting
I love what i've found.
Then I wake up
This dream has been made up
Never seeing your face in the light
But still I savor this one night
Through The Darkness
Do I deserve what I've got?
Unable to see straight
Probably not.
I sat alone inside
Unable to see
Or even to hide
I searched for someone
To maybe be my light;
Shining through the shadows..
But in time i've come to find
That I seek someone in which to share;
These shadows, it's caress
I've found happiness in darkness
You felt my rage consiquently;
No apology could take it away
I saw what I wanted to see.
Like my brain forged an entry
A cryptic memory
Regretful of my mistake
Needing something, someone to be
Wanting something I couldn't just take
But I was to blind in my search to see;
Through the darkness
You came to me.
My Own
Warped and fragile;
This life is never what it seems
It will tear you down,
Like a fallen angel's wings;
And shred you by any means
But this is where I belong
Even if it hurts
I stay awake just to hear this last song;
To hear the sounds I dream
Though when I'm here, I lack breath
Choke; I can't seem to breathe
I lose my mind, like i'm lost in time;
My own catalyst, it brings me to my knees
My own angel of nightmares
Destroying my own world,
My home, everything precious to me
Finally
This is the story of a life
Washed up on the shores,
By a tide late at night.
Lost, never found
With no where to go
Stuck to the ground, yet
Searching for a little more
Something to make it so.
Searching for a life,
One that would understand
Is it so sad,
To search your whole life
For just one who would stand,
Tall and next to you
No matter what you go through.
Drowning in this poison
With no one to understand
Trapped in your own prison
Barely a boy,
No where close to a man.
But when they come
And true happiness blooms
Everything torn awry made right
You'll understand why nothing else
Truly ever mattered
And your faith in this God
Finally has reason to resume
My Life
It begins again; it was drawn in the sand
You take this life by the hand
Guiding me through the light that blinds
My wrongs I cannot amend.
Kicked to the curb for my sin
This paper heart's been burnt again
So again, you take my life by the hand
Guiding me away before it comes to an end
Your scent I cannot forget
As I breathe you in.
Blinded by the light
I cannot see
All my senses are nullified
It's obvious you're too far from me
When I'm lost,
You take my life by the hand
My senses return
To something I comprehend.
Despite all my sin,
I'm back to where I must begin
Laying on my shield, without you I'd fail
You pick me up and make me strong again
For It
I wait for it
Like the seasons wait to change
For what you ask? For love
Even though it makes you feel
Contempt, maybe derranged
Maybe not now
But just wait
Everything is bound to twist
Bound to change
Yet still I wait for it
Search for it
Even when tears fall like rain
I reach for it
Yern for it
Try to make amends for it
Implore it
Learn your lesson,
Yet still fall for it.
Never Enough
I always wanted to ask,
Why was it you left me
Why is it you hurt me,
Was I never enough?
I never once hurt you
Did I not deserve you?
Was I never enough?
The last time I saw you
What remnants of my heart
Finally felt alive
What am I to do?
I feel torn apart
Down to the last diminutive splinter
Then when you left,
It stopped and grew cold
Like an arduous winter
What is it I need?
For you to tell me you love me
To tell me you need me,
That I'm always enough
But this is a nightmare,
And I need to dream
Of a second chance, an advent
My world yerns for you
Definitive and ardent
Tomorrow's Funeral
If you could see inside my soul,
Would you like what you see?
I look at myself and know
This isn't how it should be
Tomorrow is just another day
Just like the one before
I stumble and fall
As they each cast the first stone
I follow this trail of blood
Leading myself back home
Tomorrow's funeral started back in eighty three
Just another long sermon
Of how things in life should be
The choir boy lights another candle
Without realizing this is where joy ends
So much more than he could ever handle
He never knew this is where it begins
Tomorrow's heart failure
My permission to lead into the after life
Death after life, I've lost my composure
Decomposing everything they said.
I'd do anything just to start over
Another dead man's ballet on his death-bed.
Torn apart by an artifical sadness
I've done all I can do
Tomorrow, I'll give in to the madness
Want
Broken on the floor, in a million pieces
This facade, this mask
These walls built up,
Torn down by the creases
It's blown away by the wind
Leaving me in my shame
Frozen in this mirror
Left remembering the past
I believe this is a game
I just want this to last
Nothing now seems to come clear
Lost in my own world without you
I just need you here
I'd feel so much better
If I could hold you forever
Caught between sad and happy
I've been hiding my pain you see
My longevity resides
Inside the faith you have for me
You're not trying to change me
Just when I was tired of trying
Given up and giving in
Through the rubble you came crying
Pain redefined, cold but immortal
The only thing I understand Is what I feel
I just want this to last
I just want this to be real
