By The Editors of Marie Claire
Reveal how much your car cost.
Clean your gun.
Polish high school trophies (which you still have displayed).
Refer to your mother as your best friend.
Rap.
Check out the assistant/roommate/the baby-sitter.
Question her footwear.
Blow-dry your hair.
Tip less than 20 percent.
Celebrity impressions.
Impressions of her.
Forget to carry cash.
Flip it, flop it, swing it around, tug on it, adjust it, scratch it, or do anything that will remind us that it's just a goofy appendage and not a mystical source of pleasure and satisfaction.
Wii.
Boot and rally.
Scream—at the dog, at the guy who just stole your parking spot, at Bill Belichick. Because, no matter how much Belichick deserves it (cheater!), when she hears you raise your voice, she has an idea of what she's in for.
Talk about former exploits. Ever.
Use the words bitch, slut, tramp, or whore, unless referring to another man.
Tell her you're going to kiss her. (Just get on with it!)
