I OFFICIALLY OWN YOU! TODAY IS LAY CLAIM TO A SEXY BABE DAY! SEND THIS TO ALL THE PEOPLE YOU THINK ARE SEXY! INCLUDING ME! GET 3 BACK YOUR ALRIGHT - 5 BACK YOUR HOT - 7 BACK YOUR DAMN SEXY!!!

You are top of the list:YOU HAVE BEEN SHAGGED! Ho-ho (sorry, that sounds like you've been shagged by Santa but really it was by me, but I don't mind dressing as Santa if you want to be kinky like that).RULES:1 - Oh bum, do I need to write any rules?2 - You can shag the person who shagged you, although that's not really a choice because it takes two to tango, and shag, and shag whilst tangoing.3 - You must not shag any of the pets belonging to the person who shagged you, or any of their furniture or electrical appliances4 - During shagging, wearing protection is highly recommended. I'd suggested wearing a Ronald McDonald costume and singing about your love of dung.5 - If my mother walks in on us, we're rehearsing for a play about an inflatable Adam and Eve and we've reached the scene where I'm trying to re-inflate you with my pump. Your shouts of"oh God!" were to the person playing God who is auditioning with us.6 - Six, sounds like sex doesn't it! *sniggers like a school boy*7 - Do you have any sisters? No reason. Just thought I'd ask.This is about showing everyone that I care about you. OK, that's not it's real porpoise, or even purpose, it's actually to say that I want to fuck you until your eyes pop out, then we put them back in and start again.S.H.A.GStands for:Spelling Hasn't Improved Since SchoolWe'll SHAG forever! Or until something good comes on TV.There's no need to send this to anyone because they already know we shagged. I've already put the video up on You Tube and I'm bragging about it to everyone because you're the best shag I've ever had, or at least that hasn't resulted in 3rd degree burns, a restraining order or a course of antibiotics. It must be love!Get 1 back - you need your eyes testedGet 2 back - looking promising for some group sexGet 3 back - you'd better order a bigger bedGet 4 back - a virgin birth and now this!Get 5 back - your knees may never touch again

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