Alvins Wife's blog: "these are my confessions"

how do i know that we are meant to be cuz every time i look in your eyes all i see is a physical attraction but not to my heart so baby tell me where do i start all i know is that i love you dont want to let you but together i want to go on and be yours forever there's something that i need to say something from my heart i wanna hold u close thru the nite i wanna kiss you and make you laugh and smile i wanna be your everything and more trust me baby i wanna see the love in your eyes i wanna dance with you til the lights are on bright i want you baby i love you baby i wanna... with you i wanna... with you i look at you as you think i really need to but i cant blink i cant believe what i said i told you everything in my head i beg and plead with your eyes i wanna see you laugh and smile but you just sit there you dont seem to care but still chorus as you look in my eyes i see that you've taken everything to heart you understand what i mean you look and what i see is a tear running down your cheek a smile on your lips and you whisper to me do you me to do it like this you want me to hold you like this you want me to kiss you like this you want me to trust you baby i still do babe i'll be your everything and more heres the love in my eyes plus more lets dance right now in the light maybe theyll turn them down tonight believe me i want you believe me i love you i wanna.... with you i wanna.... with you

The darkness keeps closing over This hell that I'm living in It seems like everyone's against me My life is living in sin The knives seem shiny to me The gun is what I have The rope that I can hang from Is too lengthy and touches the ground The pills I swallow one by one Seem to not want to go down The knife that I press to my skin Is blunt and won't go through The gun I have is perfect The bullets, it won't even take a few I put the gun to my head and slowly pull the trigger The hammer snaps back I hear nothing I open my eyes and look I realize what my fate is and the choices that I took Every choice I've tried to do God will not let me make I open the gun and take out the bullets and hold them in my palm Each bullet's, now I notice, expiration date is gone I put the gun away, the knife, the rope, and pills too If God wants me to live today then maybe tomorrow

I have a box deep in my closet That holds everything Ot holds my thoughts, my fears My wishes and even my tears The thoughts are of you How you'll never say "I Love You" My fears are dark and dreary With monsters and hard-core fairies My wishes are to have you To hold and love you and never let go My tears were cried over you Crystallized and memorable One by one I take each item out And put them in a different place I looked down and reached out once more But the box was empty The thoughts went to my mind which I wrote in my diary messily My fears went to my heart where I kept them locked with a key My wishes went to the heaven where they go unanswered My tears broke into tiny pieces and floated in the breeze I now realize I'll never be over you You'll be everywhere to me, loving everyone but me I know what you're going to be in life I know everything but what's in store for me in life So I'll start a whole new box That may contain similar items Except this time it will be much worse It'll be my box of horrors

Mon Ami, L'amour pour toi est une chanson dans mon couer. Touts les heures il frappe je le sens. Je t'adore plus que le soleil et les etoilles. Je t'adore plus que la lune et le neige. Tu es la raison pour ma heurusement. Pour tu est toi et c'est la raison d toutes les raisons dont j'ai besoin et je veux..

He has to tell her something she doesn't want to hear It tears him up inside to know how she will feel Those few words he knows will drag her down But he can't take lying about his feelings all the time And he said I don't love you like you think I do I can't be the one that's in love with you I know how much you care and how I said I'd be there But I think I've lost the real you And I can't help but to walk away Cuz I know that you're in a lot of pain I just wish once we could have kissed But now you're long gone He sees her as he walks down the long hall She's changed so much he doesn't know her at all She looks at him with numbness in her eyes He walks off he starts to cry Her faith is gone and all he hears Is her singing them songs just for him He knows the mistake he made When he said Repeat chorus Now she's in the paper a few years down the line She graduated the best in town But he can't help to notice the picture that she's in No smile is across her lips And her eyes are sad again He knows that it's his fault He didn't want to share his life with her He lied when he said he didn't love her And now she's gone again I'm sorry that I lied to you about how I feel I guess you never know what you have and what is really real I'm sorry I never married you like I truly wanted God please tell her That I love you and I'm sorry God please tell her that I love you and I'm sorry And he finally said to her I love you darling

why do you look at me whe all you do is se through me dont judge me dont act like you know me dont smile and act so great you dont know night form day my life is all okay although i live a broken life in a broken home the way i dress scares everyone im different imnot a follower why dont you let me be me and let me be something out of this broken life and broken home you see me with the brusies you asked me all these questions is your father druggin you is your father beating you why cant you just leave me the hell alone im not that different from you or you i just want to be known for me not you chorus bridge all you are is a freaking drughead deep inside your fears are all there your life is not alright cuz youre living a broken life thats what they say to me but i know theyre wrong this me theyre seeing is all wrong i dont do drugs i just dress that way im not beat i work hard all day my fathers dead so what do you know my mother works from two to two outta this life i want to go so i can advance farther in school go to college and have a better life cuz this broken home is just a lie

im running far away to escape this place i look to the stars i look for teh face who will save me and take me away his hands brush away the tears her body shudders with his touch with him she sees so clear his image slowly fades to nothing hes the one that we dream of the one who can save us all bridge i keep trying to find the one man wholl save us from the darkness all one thousand kids mistreated and who feel lonely need to be saved from this horrible place flown away steered away from a suicide life a suicide life chorus im leaving from the field of tears and falling into a world of fears i reach for his outstretched hand i cant reach him i cant touch him in falling into the darkest dream where all innocence is lost everything is lost the lightning strikes she holds his hand more tight hanging form the cliffside so high her eyes are pleading with his save me help me let me live as she falls through the air she can only remember he was never there bridge chorus theyre jumping one by one into a sea of fiery hell he flies in but hes too alte his hopes have sank theres no one left to save all their lives they hped and prayed that he would come on the darkest day but now theyre gone he is useless no one gives a damn theyre mean and crual bridge chorus

she picks the mail up from her box she turns the time back on the clock she takes a look out the front door no one loves her anymore she picks the gun up and puts it back down she turns the pill bottles all around she takes the knife by the blade what she does will never fade for awhile this moment is hers to the ground autumn leaves flutter and for a moment in space and time autumn leaves this stricken life no one knows where the marks come from no one knows that she hides the gun she quickly pulls the hammer back and puts it slowly in his mouth she cries and shakes streaking down the hall she couldn't handle the blood and all she left the gun smoking with the dead guard when autumn leaves he's dying in her yard for awhile she's on the run autumn leaves flutter from the sun and for a moment in space and time autumn leaves this stricken life she's driving fast running away the police came for ehr early today she takes the shoulder too sharp and hard autumn crashes and flips her car we hear the sirens and see the flames it seems the ambulance arrived too late the fire trucks stay and put out the fire nothings left but a melted tire for awhile she was told autumn leaves fall in the cold autumn leaves her for forsaken life and wakes up and opens her eyes

My heart still aches when I think of us Although its been long over I still dream about wat we could have been Sometimes late at night I lay awake and think of only you And deep inside my heart I wonder if your thinking of me too Wat if tomorrow was no more Would you have fulfilled all your todays Would you have called that one love who you think of each day And if your heart is still broken Did you call to have it mended Because theres gonna be a day That today will always stay And tomorrow may not come All I think about is how I loved your eyes Your big blue eyes starin back at me is wat I long fore each night I always wonderin wat your doin I hear talk around the town I just wonder if today there may be a chance For us to be one again Chorus Am I still in your heart Am I still on your mind Am I in your dreams Am I all you've had All always be thinking of you But its harder wonderin if you think of me We were friends but that's past It was love that ended fast But wat if tomorrow never comes Chorus Will I still dream of the past Will you be the one to last Wat if my tomorrow never comes Please say you love me do it fast Because my today is going to last When my tomorrow never comes

Everyday she woke up to the same old stuff Her heart breaking down whenever he came home drunk She put up with him for thirty three years But she's tired of crying tears because Daddy used to drink whiskey He used to drink hard liquor He's drank about everything that you can get a buzz from Mama prays each and every night after he gets high off of moonshine That if she could have a sober man Then she could have a real man Mama lived a hard life got married as a child Five months after being wed she was rushed away Because there was a baby coming into this life Daddy was there tipping beers in the air Daddy didn't treat Mama right he was gone all the time And each night he was away was the most she ever prayed Chorus One night she woke up something wasn't right She walked through the house cutting off the lights There sitting on the couch was Daddy with his head in his hands He looked up and said I'm ready to change because I used to drink whiskey I used to dirnk hard liquor I drank everything you can get a buzz off of I heard you pray each and every night I turned that bottle up high I'm ready to be everything you've wanted in me Because I'll be a sober man so I can be a real man I'll be a sober man so I can be your real man I'll be a real man