Over 16,513,836 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?

Chop's blog: "Public Blogs"

created on 09/17/2006  |  http://fubar.com/public-blogs/b3260
The worst invention that I ever created...but it worked...for a while. Ever have a great idea as a kid and throw your whole body and soul into it? I used to about twice a day for most of my childhood. I was usually so spastic that I needed this ability to focus on a couple of projects at a time. I wasn't stupid...so most of the things I tried could have worked. Unlike one of my friends who is a College Professor now...but was convinced that if he kept trying he could learn how to fly. He kept flapping his arms and working out his legs (to get a good take-off I guess). He never got airborne. He also was convinced that penile growth could be achieved by directing more bloodflow to the area. So he massaged in some BenGay onto his unit. He then screamed for about 2 hours and perched himself above a sink to let the cold water soothe him. He also thought it would be a good idea to duct-tape the frame of his bicycle back together (where it had come apart at a welded spot near the rear wheel). Since he lived halfway down the largest hill in my town, it seemed only appropriate to cruise down the hill with no shirt on his upper body. He thought it was pretty interesting looking when his back tire actually rolled ahead of him down the road. This was, of course, before he went over the handlebars and skidded on the hot-top with his bare chest. His left nipple was actually hanging off and he had sand embedded in his chest. His mother thought it would be a good idea to disinfect it...so she splashed some rubbing alcohol on the wounds. He passed out for about 15 minutes he told me afterwards. My invention involved my love of ABC's Wide World of Sports with Jim McKay. I loved the Lumberjack Competitions. The Competition involved sawing wood, log-rolling, and climbing a large limbless timber with just a rope and these tree-climbing spikes on their boots and ankles. The tree-climbing is what fascinated me. Well, I had recently come across two of the largest nails I had ever found. They were about 4 inches long and about a quarter-inch in diameter at their thickest point. I also had a large sheet of leather, a left-over from where my mother worked in a shoe factory. I decided that with the leather for straps, two blocks of wood for support, and the two large nails, that I could create some tree-climbing apparatus to attach to my workboots. I was about 9 years old at the time. I spent better than 3 hours cutting the leather, stapling it to the blocks of wood, hammering the nails through the blocks of wood, and then tying this to each boot. The tree-climbing boots were a success...I would be jumping from tree to tree in my neighborhood in no time. I showed my older brother...who barely looked at them...but said "those things are never going to work." I then verbally assaulted him as only a 9 year old could..."You're a stupid jerkface and don't know anything!". I then proceeded outside into the yard to choose which tree I would soon be perched upon the top of for all the neighbors to see. It was a Maple. I inspected it very carefully. Smooth bark...not too wide (I didn't have the rope thing they used on TV so I needed a tree I could get my arms around)...not many branches. This was definitely the tree. With a look around my yard as if it would be the last time I'd see it at this level again, I began my ascent. I was amazed at how well the boots were working. Before long, I was about 15 feet up the tree and laughing with tears of joy in my eyes. I was yelling for my brother to come outside and see how wrong he was. No sooner had he come into view (and I started to see his jaw drop a little...obviously due to his shock at being so wrong) that the leather straps made a nice little "popping" sound. You know something...time slows down when you are falling through the air. I could still see the blocks of wood firmly stuck in the Maple's trunk and the straps flapping a bit in the breeze of my fall as I looked at my feet and tumbled upside down. The leather straps could not take the strain and had ripped away from the staples holding them to the blocks of wood. I don't remember hitting the ground...but I do remember my brother dragging me into the house and words "come-on lumberjack...let's go inside." The mild concussion I suffered healed within a week. And I don't notice any lingering effects from it. Do you?
Leave a comment!
html comments NOT enabled!
NOTE: If you post content that is offensive, adult, or NSFW (Not Safe For Work), your account will be deleted.[?]

giphy icon
last post
16 years ago
posts
8
views
2,297
can view
everyone
can comment
everyone
atom/rss

recent posts

official fubar blogs
 8 years ago
fubar news by babyjesus  
 13 years ago
fubar.com ideas! by babyjesus  
 10 years ago
fubar'd Official Wishli... by SCRAPPER  
 10 years ago
Word of Esix by esixfiddy  

discover blogs on fubar

blog.php' rendered in 0.0574 seconds on machine '193'.