I'm back to being old myself again. I hate what I see. When I look in a mirror I want to shatter it with my hand to see if I still bleed. I'm back to not sleeping. All I do is think. The thoughts are not what scares me. It's the fact I'm not afraid to act them out. I don't care if anyone cares. I just feel alone. I'm such a great person. What the hell is wrong? All I see is I love this I love that. Well in my case f*ck love....I'll never have a chance at that. You can say I'm wrong and that I shouldn't give up. I'm going to look you in the eyes and tell you....Yes I should. It's like when someone who is dying and going through pain just says pull the plug. I'm ready to go but in my sense I'm not dying all together just emotionally. Call me what you want. As I said I don't care. I've been alone all 26 yrs of my life might as well make it forever. Life is just pain never any good. How can bad people be happy why someone good is not. Maybe I should change for the worse then I'll get what I want. Maybe I'm just so confused that these words I am typing are nothing but a figment of my imagination. Maybe I am actually asleep now and dreaming all this up. Hell I don't know what I am anymore. I'm a shell of what I could be. I thought some of these blogs I wrote would do some good but they are hardly ever read. So many ppl said they would but they lied just the same. That shows me what they think about me for real. Those that I asked to please read. They never really cared. Maybe they only wanted me around because I guess I make them look good or something. Funny how some never talk to me until I say I'm going to delete. Then they say oh no you won't we want you to stay. All In All I am a shadow to remain invisible. Never to be held probably never again to speak. As It Is Written As So It Shall Come To Pass Quote The MEMesis NEVERMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!