The Ups and Downs of "69"
"3" Is Not The Magic Number
by Tracey Cox
The 69er got its name because the numbers are head-to-toe — as you are when you're doing it! Put simply, it's a sexual position that allows each of you to give and receive oral sex simultaneously. The usual position is you on top of him, with your bottom pointed toward his face, genitals lowered so he can lick them. Meanwhile, your mouth is positioned above his penis.
Because you're giving and receiving pleasure at the same time, some claim a 69er is the ultimate erotic sensation. Others find them to be ultimately frustrating: It's all too easy to get lazy on your end! If your partner's working his magic and you're about to climax, it's common to forget about his pleasure and try to get away with a few lackluster licks. That's why many people try 69ers in their youth and then decide they're too much work. Big mistake, ladies: They're a great way to add naughtiness and variety to a stale sex life, and with a few simple adjustments, they're easy to master. Here, the ups and downs of head-to-toe sex — and how to make yours better!
The Ups
* Sticking your genitals so blatantly in your partner's face is, well, quite rude, really... which is why it feels so liberating when we do it! Women are quite often bashful about showing their bits, so lowering yourself on top of him and realizing he's copping an eyeful can be a huge turn-on for both of you.
* Because a 69er exposes the entire pelvic region, giving him access to the whole of the vulva, the perineum (the hairless bit between the anus and the vaginal opening) and your anus, he's able to stimulate much more than just your clitoris.
The Downs
* How do I put this delicately? If ever there was a time you wished you hadn't rushed out the door without showering, this is it. It can be slightly alarming to remember this just as you're lowering yourself right next to his nose.
* Some men consider a 69er so erotic, they ejaculate too quickly — a literal two licks in. This is why it's advisable for him to start working on you long before you start on him.
* Giving and receiving pleasure simultaneously is fabulous, but it has a massive downside: You need to pay attention — and that means you can't lose yourself in the moment. This, sadly for us, is more of a problem for women than for men. Orgasm for men is easy: Simply having a mouth hovering near his penis can sometimes be enough to send him over the edge. Women, complicated creatures that we are, usually require a specific, constant, don't-alter-anything-just-keep-doing-it-or-I'll-kill-you type of stimulation to climax. And if he's in the throes of orgasm or approaching it, he's unlikely to be paying careful attention to the critical timing you require.
* If he does manage to keep going and you're the one transported into orgasmic bliss, it's rather easy to get a little carried away and forget your mouth is wrapped around some very vulnerable flesh. Some women involuntarily clench their jaw during orgasm. (Never seen a grown man cry? Here's your chance.)
* If you assume the traditional position (meaning you're on top of him), you're actually the wrong way around for his tongue to work on the most sensitive part of the clitoral area. So, depending on how long, wide and dexterous his tongue is, this can mean his stimulation won't feel as good for you as regular oral sex.
Make It Work By:
* Using your hands. It's too awkward and tiring to attempt to use only your mouth to stimulate him, so use your hands as well. And don't be scared to remove your mouth and work on him with your hands to give yourself a break. Ditto for him.
* Take turns. One way to solve the problem of forgetting to work on your partner because you're enjoying yourself too much is to assume the position but lie back and relax while he gives you an orgasm, and then reciprocate when you're done.
* Putting a pillow under his head will keep him from getting a stiff neck from having to lift his head to make contact. Or try lying head-to-toe on your sides, each with the under thigh drawn up as a cushion for the partner's head. If you like being opened up wide, get him to slip his arm in the crook of your upper knee.
* If it nearly always takes you longer to orgasm than it does him, get him to start working on you first while you lie back and relax. Start using your hands on him as you feel yourself becoming more aroused and only fellate him when you know you're approaching orgasm.
* Try the "cascade" position — a 69er standing up — which gives you the unique sensation of having an orgasm with your head downward. To get you there, he lays you face up across the bed, with your head over the edge, and then stands astride your face, bends over and picks you up, putting your legs around his neck.
Other Good Oral Sex Positions to Try:
For Him
* He stands while you sit facing him on the side of the bed (or on any piece of furniture that's the right height). It's more comfortable for both of you, and it lets you stimulate his penis, nipples, testicles, perineum, etc., without your hands getting cramped. It also gives you control over how deeply he thrusts into your mouth. Some men say their legs go wobbly on orgasm, but most can survive if they collapse on the bed immediately afterward!
* He stands while you kneel in front of him. It's more comfortable for you than lying down beside him, and it's hugely appealing for him because you're in the classic "submissive" pose.
For You
* Instead of you lying back and him lying between your legs, he lies back on the bed and gets you to climb on top of him, facing the headboard. You put your hands against the wall behind the bed to steady yourself and then lower yourself onto his mouth and tongue. This gives you complete control over the pressure: You can lift away from his mouth if it's too rough and move closer if you want it harder. His neck's not cramped, and it stops his tongue from getting as tired.
* You lie back on the bed while he kneels between your legs and lifts them up so they're resting on his shoulders. He's in a kneeling position; you're lifted in the air, but your shoulders are still on the bed. You use your hands to support yourself, and he supports you by holding your legs. This feels fantastic, and he gets the added turn-on of seeing exactly what's going on.
* A comfort tip for the basic you-lying-back-on-the-bed position: Roll onto your side so he can rest his head on your thigh. Put a pillow under your bum to make everything more accessible.
