Beardie's blog: "Observations"

• Hollow soul and shattered heart.
• Guide me far from this dark.
• I beg life for a chance to start.
• A new beginning a brand new spark.

• Pull me out from this hollow hole.
• Allow me the chance to feel whole.
• A weary heart is the grand toll.
• A heart now turned to blackened coal.

• Love lost and soul unbound.
• A heart darkened and unfound.
• Hope taken pound by pound.
• Let me be to seek the sound.

• Lost love forever on the winds it blows.
• A heavy heart that knows many woes.
• A once beating heart that is now froze.
• By the many hurts and sorrows.

• Lessons taught and lessons learned.
• For love is all the heart ever yearned.
• Only to be met with flames and burned.
• A once good heart forever turned.

• They say that real love is pure and true.
• That it can cure any shade of blue.
• For great wings true love had grew.
• To those who taught me better.. I thank you.

- This is to thank all those who have shown me that true love is only a myth. I once thought that maybe some day... I may find the one that would be for me. Unfortunately, I have come to the harsh reality that life is only as good as you make it. Not as good as someone else makes it. After living life and having two beautiful baby girls. After being engaged six times and never married. After knowing what love without honesty is like.

I have learned a harsh lesson. Never trust anyone, and never allow yourself to fall for anyone. I guess I should have seen it coming after all. Even after catching the so called loves of my life being the opposite of what they claim. I have learned that there is no reason for me to bother looking for something that isn't realistic in this day in age.

As a friend once told me before he left this hell. Never trust anyone that you can look in eyes. I never understood what he meant. I guess you could say I've grown wiser now. Thinking back on it I realized what he meant. Every girl I have been engaged to.. I could easily look into their eyes and see the lies. I could see just how dark their hearts were. Yet, I chose to be blind to it.

He told me that someone with a truly pure heart, is extremely hard to look into their eyes. As it would overwhelm you. I met someone like this before, of course it was a very close friend that is no longer around. I do miss the people that guided me, and showed me what true compassion for others was actually like.

I remember the one time I looked that person in the eyes, and how truly overwhelming the feeling was. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think, I couldn't even swallow my own saliva. I realized then what he meant. I only felt pure warmth, and it was one of the very few times in my life I wanted to cry.

I've been through things in my life I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I've seen things happen to my closest friends, that no person should have to witness. After getting to this point in my life and watching the people I care about most disappear one by one. Everything feels so much colder in a world with no emotions.

If you have someone you truly love, hold onto them. Show them you love them every day. Don't forget, that time is not guarenteed for anyone. At any moment, your number may be called, and you will cease to be. If you have found a love you wish to never let go. Hold on to it, and pray you will never have to. Be glad you were able to find someone special enough to hold a place in your heart so big, that no doubts, no hate, and no amount of sorrow could possibly push it out.

Remember, that love is something special and should not be taken for granted. Too many people use their version of love now to manipulate others into doing whatever it is that they want them to do. It truly is a cruel world we live in. Governed by even darker forces, and easily trended with technology. Love is not something that should be taken lightly. Neither are the people in your life that care for you. Love like there is no tomorrow.. because one day? There won't be.