HERE IS THE TRUTH..
I MAY LOOK STRONG.. BUT REALLY IM WEAK IN ALOT OF WAYS.. I LET THINGS TAKE MY LIFE OVER.. WEATHER THATS PEOPLE IN MY LIFE, NOT IN MY LIFE, OR ME JUST KNOWING THINGS WILL BE BAD FOR ME.. SO I CAMKE IT HAPPEN. THE REASON I SAY THIS IS CAUSE.. RIGHT NOW IN MY LIFE.. I DONT SEE THE LITE.. JUST ALOT OF PAIN AND OMG WHAT WILL I DO.. SAD THING IS. I HAVE PEOPLE THAT LOVE AND CARE ABOUT ME. AN SOEM ARE THE ONES THAT I REALLY DONT WANT GONE.. ABOUT 4 MONTHS AGO.. I WAS DOING WELL. HAPPY ALL THE TIME.. SMILING AND LAUGHING.. JUST HAVING FUN.. THEN I CHANGED MY LIFE MORE.. SO THAT MY EX COULD SEE AND HERE THAT ITS OVER.. NO MORE HOLDING ON.. I KNOW THIS ROAD WOULD BE HARD AS HELL.. I HAVE DONE SOME ONE IT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO.. BUT THIS TIME.. MY WORLD CRASHED.. IN SO MANY WAYS.. LIKE THE FACT I HAVE HAD TWO WRECKS, WORRIED I WOULD LOOSE MY JOB CAUSE OF THE LAST WRECK, LOST MY HOUSE, LOST A FRIEND OR MAYBE MORE.. I HAVE HAD TO GO BACK HOME.. SOME WHERE I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO BE.. BUT HERE I AM.. THEY ARE HELPING ME AS THEY CAN.. AN I THANK THEM FOR THAT.. YET I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NOTHING.. I KNOW I HAVE ALOT.. I HAVE TWO GREAT BOYZ, MY GREAT JOB, AND FAMILY.. I DO HAVE A FEW FRIENDS LEFT.. I HURT SO BAD IN SIDE THAT ITS NOT LETING ME BE MY SELF.. I HAVE ALL THESE FEARS THAT IM NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF THE BOYZ. I DONT CARE ABOUT MY SELF.. JUST THEM . ITS SAD THAT IN ONE DAY.. AN I MEAN THIS IN ONE DAY.. I LOST MY SMILE.. SO FAR ONLY THREE THINGS MAKE ME SMILE.. EVEN WHEN IM SAD.. THATS MY BOYZ AND A FRIEND.. THEY HELP ME TRY AND SEE WE WILL BE OK. THAT I CAN MAKE IT.. AN I PRAY I DO. I KNOW THAT I STARTED TO FALL FOR SOME ONE.. AN IF I WAS A LUCKY PERSON I WOULD LOVE TO LOVE HIM.. BUT WE BOTH NEED TIME.. AN WE MAY NEVER HAVE ONE ANOTHER THAT WAY.. AN ITS OK. AS LONG AS WE ARE FRIENDS.. I HAVE BEEN WORRIED THAT I LOST ME AND HIS CLOSE NESS.. HE REALLY IS A WONDERFUL MAN.. I WISH HIM HAPPYNESS ALL THE TIME.. I LOOK AT HIM AND SEE IF ONE DAY I WILL BE WHERE HE IS.. HE IS STRONG AND HAS A GREAT HEAD ON HIS SHOULDERS.. I HOPE IM JUST AS GREAT AS I THINK HE IS IN A YEAR FROM NOW. MY OLDEST TELLS ME ALL THE TIME WE WILL BE OK MOM.. I JUST KNOW IT.. I TELL HIM THE SAME THINGS.. AN MY FRIEND TELLS ME TO LISTEN TO WHAT I TELL MY SON.. AN I REALLY NEED TOO. I TELL HIM WE WILL BE OK ALL THE TIME.. SO WE HAVE TO BE.. SO STARTING TOMORROW. AFTER A LONG RESTFUL NAP.. I WILL START TO FIGHT.. FOR THE PERSUIT OF HAPPYNESS. HAHA THANKS FOR THE MOVIE BY THE WAY.. IF U READ THIS.. I WATCHED IT ON THE WAY TO WORK THIS MORNING. AN THATS WHAT I NEED TO DO.. I HAVE FOUGHT BEFORE AND WON.. I WILL AGAIN.. JUST NEED TO REPEAT THAT.. I WILL WIN..
ANY WAYS..THIS WILL BE A LONG ROAD. AN I HAVE GOOD COMPANY RIDING WITH ME.. ITS ABOUT TIME I HAVE THAT.. I HAVE CHANGED ALOT IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS.. NOW I JUST NEED TO CHANGE MORE.. AN IN ALL THIS I PRAY ONE DAY.. I WILL FIND SOME ONE TO RIDE WITH ME AND THE KIDS.. :) WHO KNOWS RIGHT ONE DAY..
THANKS FOR READING THIS MESSED UP MIND I HAVE.. ITS HELPFUL FOR ME TO DO THIS.. SO HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.. AN ALWAYS SMILE AND LAUGH.. AN DONT DO WHAT I DO.. DONT PUSH PPL AWAY THAT U LOVE AND CARE FOR.. JUST CAUSE U FEEL ALONE DOES NOT MEAN U ARE.. I HAVE TO TELL MY SELF THAT EVERY DAY FOR NOW ON.. IM A REALLY GOOD PERSON I PROMISE.. JUST DONT THINK SOME TIMES.. GOOD LUCK IN UR OWN LIVES.. THE BEST WISHES TO U ALL.
CHRISTY
