innocentprncss's blog: "The trials, tribulations and triumphs of Polyamory"

I have been talking to a guy for a couple months now off and on when we have been able and he knows about me being with mike and he is open minded to learning about this lifestyle and it would appear that we love each other already. It seems like its been something that we have both wanted to say but just never knew when the right time was to say it. We finally both laid all our cards out on the table last night and we both feel the same and for ONCE I have found a sweet nice guy that is actually close to where I am...him in IA and me in WI. We have vowed to make time to talk more often and stay in touch more often than we have. I hope that this works the way I hope because I care so much about him and want this to work so badly

I have continued exploring this side of me and Mike and I have talked about it more and more. He is coming to understand it more and more as well. He says he is ok with it all as long as he knows whats going on and isnt left in the dark. If I become serious about someone he wants to be able to know them and meet them so he is comfy with who they are and that they are a good person and that I would be safe. I have slept with one person since I have been with mike and though I liked this guy alot...it wasnt really all that stellar or worth the trouble in the end. I ended up caring about him more than he did me. I found him out to be the player that he is and I have since moved on but it really pissed me off when I found it all out. I have also found that living in a small town doesnt make living like this easy. Everyone knows your business and cant keep their damn noses out of it...so I am forced to live my life quietly and mainly talk to people online that wont judge me. I have met some really great people on here and on another site that has become a fave for me now. Nothing to do but keep plugging along and just being me. I cant be anything else.

I feel like I am a part of Dave's life from a distance. We have agreed to back off some and talk a little less out of respect for me and Mike. We still talk on the phone occasionally and online some. I have asked him if this is just useless spinning our wheels....will anything be able to come of us while I am with Mike from the inside or even on the outside with Mikes knowledge and consent? Dave feels that if we want it bad enough we will find a way to make it ok with all of us. I have told Dave that through is past actions that he will ultimately be the one that has to prove himself by moving here when he comes home from Iraq and such and he is aware of that. I have told him that due to how he treated me before...that all decisions are made out of respect and deference to Mike because he is the primary in my life now and though that is hard for Dave to understand...he says he would agree that having me in his life in some fashion is better than not at all. Guess I have spilled enough for now...you all might think I am crazy but I will tell you ONE thing that I KNOW....I am human with human emotions and they are NEVER neat and tidy.

I guess this might be more than I should be putting out here for the whole world to read but I guess in a sense you are strangers and yet friends. I am caught in the middle of something that I am having a hard time dealing with. What does a girl do when she is in love with 2 men? That is my predicament. I am in a great relationship with a man I love dearly. We have been dating since May of this year and have been through a lot together. He is sooo good to me. The other man I am in love with is a man I started dating in July of last year. We have tried and broke it off and tried some more. He is now in the military in CA and got married after I left him last. I think it was just he couldnt stand to be alone but that is my opinion. He tells me now that he isnt as happily married as he would like others to believe but that is what he needs to tell people to make himself believe it as well. With him in the military now, his wife is not supportive and saying she didnt get married to have her husband gone for the first year which I understand but she knew this was going to happen before they got married. I knew when he called me saying he would end up in Iraq in the next 6 months or so that he needed support and he wasnt getting it from his wife sadly enough. He knows that I love him and will never turn my back on him. So NOW WHAT? I am in a really rough spot right now. I dont want to lose something good by also wanting something that has bit me in the ass before.