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What are you waiting for?
As I sit here in my kitchen in the dark and silence I can't stop my mind from wandering.
It goes to the far past where things were simple and happiness was always right around the corner. Where Daddy's kiss and hug could fix every boo boo and dry every tear. A smile creeps to my face and a tear to my eye just remembering his smile, his touch.
That smile slowly fades as I remember the the not so far past, eight years ago when I was woke with the worst fear of my life coming true. I woke to everyone crying and tellin me my Daddy wasn't coming home to hold me. Telling me he had gone to be with Jesus. I'm still not sure if I stopped breathing but I know I could literally feel my heart shatter. Time went on to find me only going through the motions of the day to be honest I can't remember much of the days and years after that.
As the tears fall harder I remember when that shy country boy pulled up and stole what part of my heart that had mended never to return it again. The day he asked me to be his wife and the day we said "I do." He has no idea what he awakened in me, I began to live again, to see the world in a new found light once lost. He has pushed me to acheive what I felt was impossible.
Now my mind is on the present. That same boy has my heart but he has changed. I'm not sure from day to day what to do and everything is becoming a blur as the needs and pressures of everyday life run together. Someone has entered and at first things were great, they were a friend I could lean on, a friend that could make me smile just by saying my name. I have come to count on the friend for more then I probably should.
But as I sit here in the dark and silence I start wondering what is the true purpose behind this such friend and where will this lead my life? I start wondering how much I should share and if I have shared to much already. I start wondering and waiting for the day that he runs from me just as many have done before him. I guess you can call it once bitten, twice shy. I have tried to pull back on to have him pull me closer. But right now it does feel he is pulling away and the thought scares me to death.
Maybe my answers to Why? and When? will be answered one day but for now I just sit here and wonder.
