> The North has coffee houses,
> The South has Waffle Houses
>
> The North has dating services,
> The South has family reunions.
>
> The North has switchblade knives,
> The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
>
> The North has double last names,
> The South has double first names.
>
> The North has Indy car races,
> The South has stock car races.
>
> The North has Cream of Wheat,
> The South has grits.
>
> The North has green salads,
> The South has collard greens.
>
> The North has lobsters,
> The South has crawfish.
>
> The North has the rust belt,
> The South has the Bible Belt.
>
> FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
>
> In the South:
>
> If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four
men in
>a
> four-wheel drive
> pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't
>try to
> help them,
> just stay out of their way. This is what they live
for.
> Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
store.
>Do
> not buy food at this store!
>
> Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all
>y'all's" is
> plural possessive.
> Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
>
> Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later
on how
>to
> use it.
>
> Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.
They
>can't
> understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep
into a
> transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol,"
>truck or
> "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced
>dialect
> this way. All of them are in denial about it.
>
> The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer
proper.
> Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
>
> If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you
>should
> stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words
he'll
>ever say.
>
> If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
>smallest
> accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local
grocery
> store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You
just
>have to
> go there.
>
> Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own
>shotguns,
> they are proficient marksmen, and their mammaws taught them how
to
>aim.
>
> In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush
green
>lawn
> is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
> AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bare children,
don't
> think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat
had
>kittens
> in
> the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
>
> Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I
reckon
>your life
> will
> turn into a country music song 'fore you know it.
> Your kin would get a kick out of it too!
