The Kink Factory's blog: "BDSM , My Lifestyle"

The RESPONSIBILITIES and DUTIES of a DOM by LES IS MORE(m) Copyright©1998 The RESPONSIBILITIES and DUTIES of a DOM Being Dominant/submissive is a state of mind. It is not a sex act, it is not a game, and it is not a role. It is a state of being and is totally asexual (neither male nor female) First and foremost, a Dominant is always a Gentleman or Lady. There is no excuse for being impolite or rude to others. Save this for the submissive that needs and requires this of their Dominant. Second, a Dominant must always be in control. Drugs, even alcohol, are mind and body controlling agents. They affect relationships and most importantly can affect a scene, therefore taking away the control the Dominant MUST have. Third, a Dominant is always honest. To lie is to show you cannot be trusted and a submissive must be able to trust you to respect you. Every submissive knows that not every Dominant is super experienced and will respect you much more if you tell the truth. Be honest with a submissive about your level of experience with others and the submissive. The submissive can even help you to gain experience and is really an enjoyable learning process. Tell the submissive up-front if You do not wish a monogamous relationship. Most submissives understand and even expect this in a Dominant. You may not get "that" submissive but you will not loose her/his respect. Fourth, a Dominant accepts responsibility for all his/her actions. Everyone makes mistakes. Do what is needed to make amends, and correct it. Accept and admit the fact that you messed up. To seek an excuse for something going wrong or hurting someone will cause you to lose respect. Fifth, a Dominant expects but does not demand respect. No Dominant demands strangers to call him/her Master/Mistress. Respect is earned over time. Demanding Master/Mistress on your name means nothing and is a word that when not earned is meaningless and makes you to others appear to be a petty childish fool. Those that know you and respect you will call you Master or Mistress when you earn it, not before. Remember, to other Dominants you are not Their Master/Mistress you are their equal do not DEMAND them too ever call You that. Sixth, a Dominant knows and understands the differences between needs, desires and wants. The submissive may want a 24/7 relationship with an understanding Dominant. The submissive may desire a short relationship with a crude rude person. The submissive may need a stable sharing marriage with children. Duties of a DOM * It is the duty of a Dominant to control his/her emotions. To punish a submissive in anger or to lash out to anyone is abusive. * It is the duty of a Dominant to remember that submission is a gift. To misuse this gift is abusive. When the submissive is not free to take back the gift it is no longer a gift. * It is the duty of a Dominant to watch over and protect all submissives. This does not mean to protect them from finding some other Dominant and to keep them for oneself. * It is the duty of a Dominant to take only a submissive that will match him/her. A submissive that is not into whips should not belong to a Dominant that loves to whip submissives. * It is the Duty of a Dominant to take only the amount of submissives the DOM can properly handle, control, love, comfort and care for. Do not keep a submissive hanging, giving false hopes. Free and release the submissive so the submissive can get along with finding the right Dominant. * It is the duty of a Dominant to watch and monitor the scene carefully and to ensure the submissive is not being harmed either physically or emotionally. At any time the slightest thing can go wrong and the scene is ruined for the submissive and pleasure becomes actual pain. * It is the duty of a Dominant after a scene to ensure the submissive is emotionally stable. During a scene the submissive is filled with hormones. Afterwards the body reduces them and may cause severe depression to the extent of being suicidal. The submissive must be made to understand the depression and or emotional release is normal and expected. Normal emotions will return in hours to a day. Anything longer is a sign of emotional instability in the submissive and must be corrected before doing another scene. (A Dominant can also experience this depression after a high from the scene.) Each reacts differently some stay high for weeks and when they come down seek the scene again to regain the high. This also can lead to problems such as longer, more intense and dangerous scenes, with unknown Dominants. * It is the duty of a Dominant to know and understand what the needs, desires and wants of a submissive are. Failure to do so may harm the submissive emotionally and mentally. Responsibilities of a DOM * It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure an unowned submissive is guided to a Dominant that is suited to the submissive's wants, needs and desires. * It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure the submissive knows what being abusive is. To insure this is to insure the submissive knows when to call it quits. * It is the responsibility of a Dominant to ensure the submissive knows what the submissive's rights are. * It is the responsibility of a Dominant to teach the submissive information about the Lifestyle. The best method is to teach the submissive how to acquire this information and where he/she can get it. An ignorant submissive can be an embarrassment to a Dominant. * It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure the submissive grows and develops under the Dominant's ownership, in both the lifestyle and the public life (i.e., job and family). Being submissive only means being a "doormat" when the submissive has made it clear that is what the submissive is looking for. Dishonorable Acts * For a Dominant to allow a submissive to be actually harmed in ANY way is dishonorable. * For a Dominant to allow a submissive's rights to be violated is dishonorable. * For a Dominant to play with and discard a submissive just for amusement is dishonorable (exception is a submissive that has declared this is the treatment they need). * Unless the submissive has declared them selves to be unowned, another Dominant's interference in a relationship is dishonorable. * To chase after or scene with Another's submissive without the other Dominant's permission and full knowledge is dishonorable. No Dominant can be expected to live up to the above 100% of the time, others will respect him/her for trying and the harder she/he tries the more respect all will have for the Dominant and his/hers. Written by: LES IS MORE(m)