In my ongoing diabtribes and semiinsulting meanderings I have skipped over one of the most classic fixtures of derision within my life and the lives of my peers. Yes, thats right goth girls. From friends such as Nick Huranus, Reagan Foster, Gay Jay, Jew Jay, Dresner, Dameon Jones, and Gustavo Robles have come some humorous fucking observations of goth girls. But they boil down to a main thesis. There are two types of goth girls: Type A weights 90 lbs, Type B weights 900lbs. There are no other main types. These I guess you could consider the family classification of goth girl. Kingdom is a little broad and genus seems a little too narrow. Now, within the structure of the family of goth girl A type or type B we find one continugous certainty. They will not say anything worth listening to. Thats just a fact of life. This comes from a goth girl too. Or exgoth or whatever. Regardless Reagan was the scary goth bitch. Now, anyway. Type A can become Type B but only through 2 roots. Cheap beer and laziness or Wicca. Wicca in the world of goth(nowhere else) has a power structure based on weight. You earn greater power by eating the fatter goth girl Wiccans. Since these aren't real Wiccans I'm attempting not to insult any real people. For once. Maybe not. Who knows. Let them eat war. Anyway, The fatter you get in goth wicca the more powerful you are in the chain of command. If Ma Cass was a goth wicca then she was fucking high rank. She was like the grand dragon if they were the KKK...which goth girls kind of are if you count the jack booted holier than though teen angst view of fashion. Anyway, I digress. THe real point of was getting at was pregnant goth chick. Now, Dameon and I were driving to the mall yesterday and lo and behold I discovered an entirely new family. Pregnant goth chick. Pregnant goth chick is known as "a fall down the stairs waiting to happen" to the layman. Not to be confused with the larval state of fat wicca goth girl who has just consumed the next level of fat wicca goth girl. Be careful you don't screw with them. They can cast magick...with a k. Anyway, I have discovered Type C. Thank you for your time and I hope this was as educational for you as it was for me.
