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This is seriously going to get personal, you ready?

I can handle it.

 

If you were caught cheating, would you fess up?

Depends what I'm cheating on I suppose.

 

The last time you felt honestly broken?

I'd say December.

 

Are you craving something?

Spagettios... it's the oddest thing.

 

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?

A pocket full of sunshine.

 

Would you rather have ten kids, or none?

None. I could never handle ten.

 

What do you hear right now?

A movie. And yahoo. And an AC. And the dryer.

 

Is your bed against more than one of your walls?

Yes- and I've got something to say about that. Grown ups beds should only touch one wall at a time.

 

What’s on your mind right now?

Nouns mostly.

 

Are you there for your friends?

To a fault.

 

Last person to see you cry?

Mother may I.

 

What do you do when you get nervous?

Fidget. Scratch my head.

 

Be honest, do you like people in general?

Nope. Not really...at all actually.

 

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?

I don't know if I will anymore.

 

Does anyone completely understand you?

Completely is a pretty intense word.

 

Do you have a reason to smile right now?

Sure. Smiling is my favorite.

 

Has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you?

Yeah, sure. But life is full of wins and losses.

 

Would you be happier if life had a rewind button?

Maybe, but who's to say?

 

Do you tell your mum or dad everything?

Maja!

 

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes?

Not at all. I find it strange when people don't smoke actually.

 

Are you going to get hurt anytime soon by someone?

Probably, but I'm a delicate flower, easily wounded. But I always prevail.

 

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Uhm; This time last year I was still playing pretenda-wife.

 

Do you think more about the past, present, or future?

I'm perpetually nostalgic.

 

How many hours of sleep do you get a night?

More than the average toddler.

 

Are you easy to get along with?

Not at all, man. Ask anyone.

 

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?

why...the fuck would I be talking to them if I hated them? I don't hate anyone. Hate is a mean word.

 

What was the last drink that you put in your mouth?

Do the Dew.

 

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?

When I get in.

 

Do you like the rain?

Not as much as some people do, but I find it to be rather magical from time to time.

 

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Probably. I tend to have that effect on people. Never forgotten, bitches.

 

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do?

Dude, like every day.

 

Would people refer to you as a goodie goodie, bad news, or neither?

Bad news, but really I'd prefer people keep my name out of their mouth.

 

Who were you last in the car with, besides family?

Two males, and my vomit.

 

What’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who?

wow. Uhm. No idea. Can't even fathom a guess.

 

Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/ girlfriend?

Yep.

 

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you?

EVERYONE has the ability to hurt another human being. Someone can, just by living damage another person beyond repair.

 

Your parents are out of town. Would you throw a massive party?

No. But I'd probably spend all weekend at everyone elses.

 

Do you regret a past relationship?

Regret? I don't know about all that. Probably wouldn't do it all over again.

 

Would you rather spend a Friday night at a concert or a crazy party?

Neither. I don't like large groups of people for a pre determined amount of time.

 

Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over?

Uh huh.

 

Have you made a joke about somebody that made them cry?

Yeah. Also did some things that have made people cry. Alexa, I'm still sorry about your hair.

 

Do you care too much about your appearance?

I don't think so. Unless almost not at all is too much.

 

Are you a jealous person?

To the bone.

 

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?

Bought scrubs and shoes today.

 

Do you miss anyone?

Yes. All my peeps down in the dirty w and k town.

 

Last person who made you cry?

Myself.

 

Does your ex piss you off?

 Not really. How can I be pissed if I have zero interaction?

 

What are you doing tomorrow?

What's tomorrow?

 

Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend every week?

Boys have cooties.

 

Is there anyone you want to come see you?

YES.

 

Have you ever been cheated on?

Hasn't everyone? There are very few people still in existence with control over their genitalia.

 

Ever given your all to someone who walked away?

I will never give all of myself to anyone. There are pieces just for me.

 

Do you like cotton candy?

Not. At. All.

 

Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with?

I'm not sure how serious any of my conversations are.

 

Are you planning to get knocked up or knock someone up by age 17?

Uhm. Neither. And the phrase 'knocked up' is trashy.

 

Do you have siblings?

Three at last count.

 

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone?

Not in a long time.

 

How has the past week been for you?

Below average.

 

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

Talk to? About like...real stuff? No. Wait. Dyllon do you count?

 

What’s on your mind right now?

I feel like I was asked this at the beginning... are you checking to be sure I haven't lied?

 

What were you doing at midnight last night?

Chattin it up.

 

What is your current mood?

I'm not really feeling anything at the moment, ask me later.

 

Who was the first person you talked to today?

Uhm, my mom?

 

Will this week be a good one?

My prediction is yes.

 

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy?

I was really happy when I saw my bro-ja.

 

Who were you with last night?

All the peeps in fuland.

 

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

No...

 

Next time you will kiss someone?

Kissing just sort of happens to me. I don't plan it out.

 

Who should start the kiss, the girl or the boy?

I don't like the word should.

 

Do you have any plans for the weekend?

Not really, I don't think.

Mountain Dew and Mentos
Cigarettes and the Alphabet
Street lights and Bar fights
Fast cars and fun shaped scars
Bikes with no brakes and staying up late
These are a few of my favorite things.

Sleep beckons me.
And I worship nicotine.
He never believed in me.
I was stupid and couldn't see.
Love is a fucking disease.
I never asked for your pity.

I'll chalk it up to bad taste.
First tries are always a waste.
What's Life but an evolved childhood game?
So what if I'm not straight edge? My braids still fall the same.


What I would do to be known for
Epigrams
I want so badly, (more than you’ll ever know)
To be clever.
I have no notoriety to speak of
They call me Anomy
Go ahead on with your third degree
I stopped listening
In the first degree

I wear titles like scarlet letters
For the world to see
“Aggressive” “amorous” “vicious little violent girl”
Oh she could have been so great
If only she weren’t so full of rage

This analgesia has me begging to feel
Anything will due, it doesn't have to be real.

and boy was I mad...

 

I’ve never been that good at kicking habits.
I always wished I was.
The silly boys are banging down the bathroom door,
and like all the times before it’s a mistake.
I'm a waste- not worth the time to save.

In my dreams all the girls had hairy legs
and they looked at ME
like I was crazy… as I whispered about lies.
The boys all wore the same clothes
from the same wardrobe in the courtroom.
The judge was on about delinquents and
keeping them under control.
She looked angrily at me.
And all the boys, they had red hair
All I could think was that it wasn’t fair,
I desperately wanted red hair.

Lately I’ve been leaving pennies heads up on the street.
Maybe someone will find them… and have better luck than me.
My notebooks are getting full
with ideas never fully thought out.
I’m thinking about setting fire to them…
Say goodbye...
Watch my dreams all up in flames.
It will be beautiful.

"All prettied up and no place to go…"
I’ll never forget that day.
We sat on my bedroom floor
and stared longingly at the bedroom door and wondered
if they were missing us.

I stare at the stop sign and think
Of absolutely nothing.
You never could have stopped me.
I went to The Studio and watched him get “Save Me” tattooed on his wrist.
I’ll admit that it was beautiful. I know that it’s me that needs saving now.
The oblivion has never been so peaceful.
This sickness has never been so sweet.
I tell myself that (in the end) it will be alright.
I scratch my face until it bleeds. Pull my hair and scream.
I am completely rediculous.

Imagine me still caring.
Imagine me free of this hate.
Do you miss me now?
I love you more than… ego suicide.
The poison that fills my mind, is no comparison to what fills my stomach.
I pull the trigger on my dollar store gun.
Oh, how I wish it was loaded.
I wanna be a cowboy… but I’ve got no hat.

I aim to kiss and miss. Hit your lips and this… is a mistake.
Boys think twice about a girl so nice.
Chucks don’t do so well in the snow.
If I wanted to fall asleep alone, I wouldn’t spend all day thinking of you.
Well you know I do, and it’s a little sad sometimes.
I’m not going home for Christmas.
They can’t handle a drunken misfit with only 69 cents in her pocket.

Damn me and my pennies.
Mother, I hate you

Kicking kittens is probably the best thing to ever happen to me.
Pull back. Release. And the rage is gone.
Destroy the innocent.
I fall to the ground and the grass stains my jeans.
I think for a few moments about strippers and how I’m never on time.
I realize that I can’t speak. There is no defense.
And my mind is weak.

Going home to pour myself a pot of coffee.
And do my hair all up with a can of hairspray.
It still doesn’t look as good as yours.
I smoke a pack and forget- that I seek to destroy.
I dress myself in plaid, and fall down the staircase.
I’m up and I’m a lush.

Blinds cover my eyes, and I’m really only hiding from myself.

I draw pretty zombies in pencil.
And ramble on the phone for hours.
I just don’t want to be alone.
My art history book makes good fire.
And I don’t want to get out anyways.
I’m a bit of a pyro and I will die happy.
Up. In. Flames.

Mother told me I have to marry an Indian.
To carry on the bloodline.
I sighed and stood in front of the silverware drawer.
I spent an hour holding a KFC spork,
Trying to figure out if it went with the forks or spoons.
Giving up was easy.

I use to idolize quitters.
They had the ability to just
Let. Things. Go.
I don’t remember how this started.
But I know this is where it ends.
Wave goodbye to lost loves and fits of lust.
If. I. Can.

Lets play Confession.
My name is Tarin and I have substance abuse problems.
I will do anything, so that I don’t feel empty.
I love someone but can't tell them.
Sobriety is my hell.
Sleeping alone makes me cry.
I am terrified to manatees.
I act childishly to avoid reality.

They say admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.
I’m waiting.

I think they broke apart my mind,
They just wanted to see what was inside.
They wanted to know if fairy tales were true
Or if they were poorly constructed lies, told to pass the time.

And I told him I was trying to write a catchy pop song
about failure and hate and sodomy.
I don’t think he believed me. But I looked him dead in the eye.
And pinky promised.

I told my 8 year old sister I was a raging alcoholic.
And she told me that god didn’t like me anymore.
And then she cried for me.
For my fury, for my weakness.

Staying up till 5 am only feels right with Dyllon.
When we’re watching Thumbalina
And imagining that tiny, tiny girl trying to fuck that thumb.
That had us rolling for like a half hour.

I have a sick desire
To destroy everyone who I’ve ever thought of admiring.
To make them less than me.
Because in the end I know
That of the three words that could heal me,
You would only speak two.

I will do my time, I know I deserve this punishment.
And another day passes that I don’t feel like I know I should.
I’m far too young to feel so much pain.
Growing old doesn’t seem like such a shame
Anymore

Falling asleep on hard floors
Clutching whatever happens to be near.
It’s the perfect entertainment
Watching a lost girl fall to pieces.
Tears never stop falling from hallow eyes.

Kiss me just once
On the face like a person.
When you are afraid of everything
Life seems like such a waste.

Sometimes I feel like I’m swimming in misery…
And drowning in remorse.
His heart is broken he swears as he holds his arms out
Begging me to fall into them.
And I just…can’t.
The only things that hold me are my mistakes.
They cradle me, like a mother cradles her baby.
And I apologize to him with words that come from the clouds.
We’ve been stuck here for so long…
Me pleading my case and him begging for more.

I have dreams of being a star(fucker)
To be appreciated for an hour
To be remembered for a good time.
I will have my cake and eat it too
I want to bask in my own (alter)ego
To be a glorified (pain)slut

Today they told me I am crazy
In whispers barely audible
Like they were afraid of what I might do
I screamed              

 

                                  I KNOW

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