Seria V Enslaved Blood Goddess Co Owne...'s blog: "The Paths of Life"

i really can't describe how i feel right now, crushed for one, the love of my life and best friend moved back to alaska, taking with him my heart. and i like a dumbass opened myself back up and apparently too soon after he left only to be crushed again. and now the man who i gave everything to for so many years, doesn't even tell me he even misses me anymore. i should have gone with my first thoughts and stayed alone, that was what i wanted, but apparently we can't control how we feel. will i ever find somebody who will love me with just as much passion and heart as i do? i feel like i've lost my best friend in the whole world.

"Lost" You look right at me, sometimes I know you see me, other times you look right through me. I'm losing control, I'm going insane, going under, drowning suffocating. I need to break free from all this but how? Leave? Stay? What? If I stay there's endless pain and chances of irrepairable broken friendship with no way to mend. But to leave is to run, what I've always done...I don't want to do what I've always done. So do I break free and save my sanity or stay and give in to Crystal? She's calling me my name. She's an evil temptress and she along with you I can't seem to break free from. Please, somebody my soul is on it's knees, crying out in agony! What is the answer and how will I know it's the right one? Do I trust in the powers more devine than I? Do they even exist? My faith lost from loss, My mind and soul, trapped, lost in oblivion. All I want to know now is the other side of things. So tell me whether to break free or just let things play out... What will be, will be.

"Feed your psychotic agression Your neurotic obession This patience left is wearing thin Helpless, to stare at such a heartless grin For all that we had It's come to this Mental mutation Satanic bliss Grasp the rope, tighter now, dont let go Strike the match against my cheek Ignite such futile hope Drop the match before my feet Arose a flame, that never burnt so sickly sweet Engorge such heartfelt abominations No more disease, no more temptations Nothing to lose Nothing to gain Loveless, heartless, enslaved in my heart You shall remain "

Never Forget i'll never forget the way your touch felt or the way your smile could always make my heart melt i'll never forget the way your body felt pressed against mine or how when i was with you i lost all sense of time i'll never forget how safe i used to feel when you held me in your arms or how you would never let me suffer from any harm i'll never forget how when i got sick you took care of me or how You were able to help me feel free i'll never forget the way you were there when i was down or how you could always put a smile onto my face instead of that frown i'll never forget how it felt to be truly happy or i'll never forget how good you always were to my daughter or how you were able to show that she does have a man who will not hurt her i'll never forget all the fun times we used to have or how you helped me feel alive again when i was so sad i'll never forget how you treated me with respect and like a lady or the way it feels to be carrying your baby i'll never forget the night you said those words to me, it was like my dreams come true or how you held me all night close to you i'll never forget how it felt that good things come to those who wait or especially how it felt to meet my soulmate but even after all of this, the most important thing yet that is i love you....So Much and that's one thing i want you to never forget January 31, 2007

Never Forget i'll never forget the way your touch felt or the way your smile could always make my heart melt i'll never forget the way your body felt pressed against mine or how when i was with you i lost all sense of time i'll never forget how safe i used to feel when you held me in your arms or how you would never let me suffer from any harm i'll never forget how when i got sick you took care of me or how You were able to help me feel free i'll never forget the way you were there when i was down or how you could always put a smile onto my face instead of that frown i'll never forget how it felt to be truly happy or i'll never forget how good you always were to my daughter or how you were able to show that she does have a man who will not hurt her i'll never forget all the fun times we used to have or how you helped me feel alive again when i was so sad i'll never forget how you treated me with respect and like a lady or the way it feels to be carrying your baby i'll never forget the night you said those words to me, it was like my dreams come true or how you held me all night close to you i'll never forget how it felt that good things come to those who wait or especially how it felt to meet my soulmate but even after all of this, the most important thing yet that is i love you....So Much and that's one thing i want you to never forget January 31, 2007

As some of you will find out the more you get to know me, I had a really big struggle with drugs for many years. I started out just experimenting, trying it for fun, and kept using. I abandoned my newborn baby girl at only two weeks old and left her with my parents. I continued to use til I found out a couple of months later I was pregnant. (yes, again) I quit using and became a mom, I had missed all the important things in her life already though. First words, smile, steps. I had my second beautiful baby girl at only 18 years of age, she lived for a month and a half. There started my downward spiral into hell itself. After ten years of killing myself and everyone around me I got sober and while in my first year of recovery I wrote this for my beautiful daughter destiny who has had a rough life. This is called the Paths of Life. As I sit here and think of all the joyous wondersI missed over the years For you honey it fills my head and heart with fears Because I wasn't there for you to be your mom You were never really taught right from wrong I see the road you're taking and it breaks my heart This road you're going down only gets rockier and hard Why can't you learn from my mistakes? Trust me baby girl, it's not a path in life you want to take I may not have been there for you growing up as a child I'm here now though and with you I will walk all those miles. I can't make your choices for you afterall, But I'll be here to pick you up should you fall. Listen to the words in this song, this was how I felt. Linkin Park - Crawling

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