nhragirl2000's blog: "Blah"

Sometimes I just have a hard time understanding why things are the way they are. I like to think, that this is the way its suppose to be, what is suppose to happen will happen...and with any of my friends I would tell them that, and try to make them feel better. But honestly, that is just a load of crap! Do you honestly think there is someone out there for everyone? My answer is no, because if there was someone for everyone, how do you explain all of the elderly that die alone? No kids, no family, except if they are lucky they have some neices and or nephews that care about them. I feel like, I have met one person, that would have been everything I could have ever wanted, and then more. It just felt good...better than good. It felt good, and I felt good. For reason, that were way beyond my control, it wouldn't work between us. Its possible that I had blinders on, and this guy was like everyother guy I ever liked..and maybe it was just a game for him. I like to think it wasn't, but I will be the first to admit when it comes to my life, I have poor judgement. So anything is possible. I would have given my all for him, and I wanted to. Eventhough alot of time has went by and I thought I was over him/it. I have no idea what happened but now I'm finding myself thinking about him way more than I should, wishing I could just travel back in time, go back to when things were so good. I loved what I felt then, and want to feel it again. I have so much in my heart to give, and I was ready to give it to him....and I still want to give my all to him, eventhough I know it is out of the question.  I was truely moving on, until oneday...and for no reason I started having these feelings again.  My life I think is going to be heading down a new path. Hopefully a great path..and I want to share it with him. I'm scared about the changes that will be happening, and yet excited. I want to share all of this with him...I want him to comfort me, and I want him to be excited with me. I badly wish I could share with him my ups and my downs...and most importantly I want him to share his ups and downs with me. I want to be there for him, mean something to him. All these feelings are just crazy....why after being gone for so long have they all come back??