as with anything i have mixed feelings right now.i go in and out of happiness and sadness. thinking of all the events of this past year and all the things ill have to face in my future here.i still have a lot of anger in me from shit that has happend and one thing i dont think i will ever truly get over but i am getting better.i have my moments of reflection that make sad and i still tear up but thats expected.its really hard for me to talk to people i now care about. sometimes i dont say the things that are on my mind and i know i probably should, but its hard for me because i was so used to abuse before its almost like it doenst feel right to say or that im afraid at what type of backlashing i will get even though the things i have to say shouldnt or wouldnt constitute something like that.so yeah im still fucked up, but i recognise and i am working on my issues... even though it may not seem like it.im afraid to be around people right now. i know im still so fragile but strong at the same time.i do things for a reason.i push people away because ive gotten fucked hard this past year... and not in the way id like to be.i know that pushing people away isnt the answer but for right now its what works for me.i know that either way im still going to get hurt and to expect not is just not logical but as you already know .. im mental. hahah i love waynes world.im tired of people not being there and latly ive been the one who hasnt been there.i took a break from everything when i got sick and now im just trying to get back into life.im still really tired but im trying to get my body back to its normal self and normal.. for me sleeping patterns.hopefully it will be soon but work has also been kicking my ass.hopefully ill be back soon.i guess the whole point of this is just to really say that people fucking suck ass sometimes.. again not in a good way. but eventually your bound to find at least one good person who wont fuck you over.hopefully youll have the ability to let them in and not push them out.im trying
