Well I dont want to get into all the mushy gushy details but there has been something that has weighed heavily on my mind for quite some time now. I have always heard that in the time it takes you to love someone it takes you twice that time to let go and move on from that love. Well here's the thing I have to agree on this. Everyone out there has been hurt by love one way or another and if they say they havent they are in denial. Let me just say this I used to have this amazing guy who meant the world and more to me. Of course he was my first love and in the time that we were together I thought nothing in this world could ever break us apart. Yeah I had done some things that I wasnt proud of and I know he did also but if you love someone fighting makes the love stronger because you fight for what you want. After a year of dating we broke it off and it crushed my entire world. So I hung out with my friends and moved on from it. a month after we break up I hear from him in a letter and we talked got back together then months later broke up again. Never thought that I would hear from him again after that. I graduated high school and was dating someone else about 8-9 months after I graduated high school I thought that I would write him an email just to see how he was doing because I had heard he went to Iraq. Not thinking I would ever get a response from him but we started talking again. I was single he was going through a divorce. When he came back on R&R (rest and relaxation) we hung out everyday talked just like we were old friends. Decided that once he came back from Iraq for good we would see about dating again. a couple months passed and I didnt hear from him and I ended up marrying this great guy that I had met. Of course the other guy found out and was pissed at me. we didnt talk for a year until me and my husband were broke up "taking some time apart" the guy and me started hanging out again...never talked about getting back together. I havent spoke to him in over a year again and here is my question to everyone out there...if it wasnt meant to be then why do we always find each other again in one way or another? And if we arent meant to be then why is it so hard to over come that love even after 4 years? There has to be something to this puzzle that I'm just not understanding. Am I really just holding onto nothing? or is it my heart and God telling me that I'm stupid for not letting the guy know how i feel after all this time. I thought after 4 years I would of moved on from this and it wouldnt hurt me anymore but I still cry from time to time begging God to let me go back and fix my past.
