I'm often asked, "What are you looking for in a guy?" So I thought I'd put this in a blog so I could quit gettin' asked. :)
So, first I have to reiterate what's in my profile. I'm really not looking for a relationship here. Long-distance relationships are VERY hard, and I've been there, done that, got the scars to prove it. Also, I believe wholeheartedly in building a friendship first. I'm weirded out by people who approach everyone first as a possible relationship, because I'm not attracted to people at all until I've gotten to know them. So, please don't take this as "shopping list." I'm writing this to answer a question I'm often asked. Not because I'm looking.
So, obviously, there's the essentials. Honesty, loyalty, faithfulness. I believe in monogamy, at least for *me*, and I expect the same in return. I've never cheated -- never even been tempted, even while dealing with a marriage with no chemistry -- and faithfulness is an absolute for me. That's because I will always be honest and try my best to never hurt someone, and I expect the same in return.
I want someone who's kind, with at least a modicum of sensitivity to the feelings of others. Who's interested in my happiness, but not at the respect of his own, i.e. not a doormat. (I will not respect someone who lets me walk all over him.) I look for ambition (but not workaholic tendencies), intelligence, love of family (or at least an understanding that family is important to me), and common relationship goals. The ability to keep up with me conversationally is also of vital importance, of course.
It's very important to me that whomever I'm with prizes the diversity of humanity and doesn't feel that people have to fit into a tidy little mold. We're an amazing and varied race, and I try really hard not to be judgemental of people, as long as they aren't hurting others.
I'm looking for someone who's a nice guy while still having a backbone. Neediness and desperation aren't appealing! I AM strong-willed (though NOT bitchy), and if you let me push you around all the time, I will lose respect for you. I don't want everything my way all the time (that's boring). And I need to feel, if a guy is interested in me, that he's not so desperate to avoid being alone that *any* woman will do. I need to feel I'm special, that his interest in me is because of who I am. That he's OK on his own, and happy with who he is, but feels that a relationship with me would enrich his life further.
And of course, a sense of humor is vital. I hope he makes me laugh, and I make him laugh. Laughter is a vitally important part of life, especially with a person as fundamentally happy as I am. I want to laugh as much, and as often, as possible!
Finally, there's sexual chemistry. I'm not invested in looks, but I AM invested in chemistry. My ex-husband is a wonderful man, but we had no chemistry together, and I settled for that for far too long. I like sex -- let's be honest -- and I have a bit of a libido. So chemistry is important to me.
Any questions?
