the life of a juggalo Blog by pandaowner psychos paradise
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here the the 7 baby names that i like... let me know witch one yall like.

  1. jamie madrox
  2. michael monoxide
  3. toshiro michael
  4. pandora michelle
  5. kassandra nicole rayne
  6. destini faith
  7. jessika nicole marie

well the the skank wanted me to die. i dont know why she did this but to get what she wants. she used my brother for sex...she also told her bf that both of my brothers wanted to have sex with her. neather have had any idea that they wanted this. we are finding more and more shit out and that she has taken.

people are so untrust worthy....i dont know if i want to keep being as trusting as i am. even when people screw me over i still trust them and they then screw me over again. im tred of being nice to people who dont deserve my kindess.

i have been stressed out that i started to rock again. i do it composivly and a lot of the time i dont know that im doing it. patricia fucked alot of people over...in a big way. i dont think that she ever cared about me killing myself. she never cared about david or nicole. she used james for 1,200 and spend it on her self...took money out of my moms purse...she took my brothers xbox 360 and my mamas 4,000 bracelett....i could care less about the skank. she has done nothing but make people misserable. all the skank cares about is sex in a relatonship. she was jelous that i was happy and probly going to get married. traviis can suck his daddys dick. the skank allmost got my brother aj in touble with the army....fuck her and her boy toy

im my own worst enemy. i cant get away from myself and i dont know what to do. im so tempted to go find something to cut myself with but i dont want to piss people off. alot of times i wonder what it will be like if i was never born or alive. i just dont want to be a burden to any one anymore. thats all i have ever been is a burden. i just dont understand why mom my wouldn't get an abortion.  im a nobody im not important....

dear grandma
You're right....im the reason that i was pushing my family away. But what you dont relize is that im working on getting a relationship with my family. me and my dad are getting along better then before...me and my mom are still working on ours.And me and my sister are getting along great. Just because kaila,brian and eric went and got a car dont mean im ready to drive. i guess getting a house is not good enough for you. im not like the rest of my family..I DON'T want to drive right now...why because im not ready..and you know what its NOT my fault that we are homeless. i moved in with Nicole some time in october.Rent has not been paid sense july and the water sese october. i was asking you well b4 the cops came and told us not to stay and we had to get out. so its not my fault...you dont know the entire story. so thats where that statement came from...i asked for your help and to just send it to me. i sent u an email saying i needed the money and to email me back for the address. did you email me back no...my dad knows where the money is going to be used for he was the one who said it was okay and to ask you for it.

I had news that i wanted to tell you but never mind. there is no point when you think im this horrible monster. yea I used to push my family but im not. im not the same person that you think i am. im thriving right now im doing the right thing...im going to change the world. My dad has stoped drinking are u going to call him? are u going to just call and talk to him...will you help im stay sober...your probly going to say that he needs to do it himself. he needs all the suport he can get. i feel like my dad is the only one besides kaila who wants me to do better. to treat people with respect and kindness. to treat people with and how you want to be treted.

and no we are not going to be hopping from place to place...i plan on getting a job i plan on paying rent i plan on doing what i got to do. its not just for me its for the peple that im living wth. you allways say im selfish im not. once i get a job and i hold it for at least 6 months im going to take out a loan and buy a house...why because i want to help other people....my friends who need a place to stay....you probly dont think that i can do it.

i take responsobility now for some of the shit that has happend in my past. but the blame can't be put solely on me. just so you know you can go see my rents im not going to be there.
you need to get over the past and forgive me. thats the only way that me and you can work on our relationship. the longer u hold a grude the harder it will be to forgive. once it becomes harder to forgive you will be miserable.

Today we are homeless...we got to finish packing out shit and the cops came and told us to get the fuck out...i could have had the watter turned back on its my fault that i didnt bug my grandma for the money. she just dont care every time i emailed her about it she ignored me. i dont know what to do right now...im at fault right now i need some help...if any one can help me donate some money something let me know.....it dont have to be alot.....every little bit helps..

 

well i put down my hatchet. i got alot to think about i thought that i was down and people cared about me but most dont. i relized i dont need to be a juggalo to be who i am. im just tired of the drama...hate me if you want i know who my real friends are if you do.

ill just say this i love the music and the fam....i got mad clown love for yall.

my bday dont mean shit...i was looking forward to it till the person who i thought was my sister didnt want to go. now i dont even want to go. she had no idea how hurt i am...the only reason she wants to go now is because of how gulty she feels. not to mention i broke up with mike on my bday and  few days after that i was allmost raped. fuck it i dont want to go but i have to. Things dont matter to me anymore i dont want to celerbate my bday ever again.

the party ant just about me. its about my family...seeing my family together...getting along. i dont want gifts and i know that im getting some i just wish that i didnt. i want to see my lil nepew and my cuzns. my great grandma my grandma my mom and dad who is not drinking. im so proud of him im proud that he is trying to be sober.

well today is my bday...i am 20 years old...i am just deppressed that its my bday. dont ask why because i dont have an awnser for you. i guess i just didnt want to have a party this year but my mom is thoughing one anyway...its tomarrow. my friend and the only friend that would be there dont want to come...she would rather spend time with her boyfriend then with me on my bday...i just think that its mean and cruel...but what ever...to me its not important...i just dont give a shit much anymore. i guess people are not going to get that they need to stop being so selfish. 

 

my bday dont mean shit to any one anyway..its not important at all...i just wish that i had a guy to spend it with..cuddling up on the couch watching movies. me falling asleep in his arms...listing to his hart beat. but no i have to spend it with my familia witch i cant stand most of the time. i cant stand my mom at all but she said that its to late not to have a party. why because she invited people......

much love

panda

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