Pimptation's blog: "Random Musings and Filth!!!"

Ladies, you've been hoodwinked…. hornswoggled… led astray..... Now I know Im gonna sound like someone's grand mother. This right here is old lady speak. So parlay for a minute while my inner-granny pokes throught the surface for this entry I know you THINK you know your man. I know you THINK that you know what your man wants. I know you THINK you have shit figured out when it comes to men. I know you THINK that if you just had a man who would act right, you basically have what it takes to keep his ass home. Bamboozled!!.....and in a big muhfuckin way!!! Whether you can or not is another question entirely and is not the subject of this entry. The subject of this entry is that in the theoretical world you live in, you feel like you pretty much know what a man wants. But oh!........ Oh how you have been misled…. Now sure....... dudes like beer and sex and sports and food and all that shit. And of course you know that doing all those things don't ensure that you'll get, or keep, your man.......... Despite how simplified ya'll make men sound when you sit around after watching a bullshit ass movie on Lifetime and talking trash about men around a second empty bottle of some cheap ass White Zinfandel......dudes aren't really all that simple. Just because your macaroni and cheese is better than his mamma's…. just because you go drinking with him … just because you give him his space and let him watch the game with his boys.....or you watch it with him and know when to ask an insightful question and when to shut the fuck up…. and just because you give him bomb ass birthday sex every night of the week with special surprises on the 5th, 14th, 23rd, and 30th of every month…. none of that shit means you understand men, or you've figured out how to snag — and keep — them. Now. With that shit said, I could take this entry in two directions: 1) I could philosophically discuss relationships from a male point of view and enlighten you with facts and opinions that may be new to you.... or 2) I could break down some bullshit ass shit you've heard over the years and make fun of you muhfuckas that actually believed it.... Now which one do you think I'll choose? ****Jepoardy Music**** If you said #1, then you are on the wrong fuckin blog for that bullshit. Please click the "x" and carry your pensive, yearnin-for-insight-ass to Technorati.com and search on "why come he don't like me?" If you said #2, then welcome…. now sit tight because I got some shit to explain to you. The biggest lie the devil ever told was convincing the world he didn't exist. Whoops…. wrong quote. The biggest lie men have ever told was convincing women that we want a "lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed." Niggas have ya'll walkin around actually believing that we actually want a woman in public but a hoe in the bedroom. Fellas, don't shoot me on this one…. I know I'm giving away some of the Code, but fuck it…. this shit needs to be said. When a man wants to keep a woman around…. and place himself in a position where he could fall in love with her….. when he is serious about her and is thinking about being with her long-term, if not forever…. he does NOT want a freak or a hoe in the bedroom. Period. Unless, of course, he wants a freak or a hoe…. Period. Now me.....I'm a different breed of man entirely....so as with everything....Im the exception to this and every other rule....that being said.....I only have myself to blame.....when said freak or hoe.....cheats on me....like they always do..... anyways...back to the "regular guys"..... Go ahead......be stunned........ I know your mouth just dropped. I know you're shocked....... but just gone ahead and blink that shit out. If your man has ever told you this, then he wants YOU to be a freak and a hoe, but NOT his lady for life. That's just game, especially if it's workin. You walk around in the day in that banging ass skirt suit you got from Saddle Creek with a D&B handbag and fly ass pumps. You wow'in muhfuckas in meetings at work and making a nice little chunk of change. You read the newspaper and read books and listen to BBC on the radio to keep yourself socially aware and intellectual. You keep your hair and nails done…. all that shit. And you feel like you're the "lady" — the "woman" — that dude has been searchin for. He brings you around his boys and shows you off to his co-workers. They all tell him how pretty you are and his mamma remarks at how intelligent you are. Everybody that loves him, likes and wants you in his life. And then when you get him home and close the bedroom door, you attack his ass. You do all that little freaky shit he likes. You have his toes curlin' and he screams your name and he passes out as soon you finish rockin his world. You do all the shit that none of his ex-girls would do. And you know what?? And this is the shit that is just going to send your ass to altar call on Sunday asking the Lawd to "habba lil muhcy on meh Lawd…. fo' I'se known not what I'se do."……… After a little while of you being his hoe and his freak….. next time he looks at you while you're out with him and his co-workers explaining why you think that today's congressmen/congresswomen pale in intellect, foresight, and vision of those congressmen in the Reconstruction era, you know what he is gonna think: *wait for it… it's coming* (Panama, 2005) "You'se a freak hoe…. I hope my colleagues don't smell it on your breath." When you see his family next and you kiss his mamma on the cheek, he's gonna think: "EWWWW!!! Don't kiss my mamma with that mouth! Them lips were tossin my salad with balsamic vinagrette just last night!" He is going to see you as that nasty little freak AROUND.THE.CLOCK. It's inevitable…. don't fight it…. you'll only hurt yourself. See, the thing about doing nasty shit behind closed doors is that it doesn't have to come to light for him to know what the fuck you are REALLY like when no one's watching… he was THERE when your nasty ass was doing it! Yeah sure..... he was there too.......but when a man does some freaky shit......nobody gives a fuck because they figure his game was tight enough to dupe your silly ass to do it. Yeah yeah yeah…. double standard… blah blah blah…. hey man, I don't make the rules, I just referee. Question: Then what's a hoe to do?? My research tells me that once a hoe is a hoe, she has hoe needs. Does she not get her hoe needs met for fear of being forever seen in the eyes of her man (if she can get one) as the hoe she really is?? And are hoes not relationship/marriage worthy?? Because the men will see through the hoe with the lady mask on? Well..... All she needs to do is break her hoe habit… or at least tone it down. Sounds easy, but I suspect it takes a little bit of work. Kinda like crack and Pookie on New Jack City. I think if the hoedom is a thing of the past, she can become a lady. But as long as she is intent on getting hoe needs fulfilled, she will not catch the type of man that a lady wants… UNLESS… She tricks dude…. which happens all the time… and is normally the fault of both parties (dude has on blinders or chooses to ignore the obvious and the hoe is into the game of trickery). In the wise words of Too Short, don't try to turn a hoe into a housewife. Words never rang truer. Because this man is going to picture you being responsible for being the mother of his children, and as soon as he flashes to you driving the SUV to the kids' soccer practice...... he'll flash to your butt-nekkidness with a dildo in your ass, him in your mouth...... and you hog-tied in the middle of the kitchen like a damned baby calf in a rodeo exhibition....... And please believe me when I say that this is NOT the picture he wants of the mother of his children. You know why? Because HIS mother is the best mother on earth and SHE would never do any bullshit like that. In fact, his ex-girl — the one who got away that he is secretly comparing you to — would never do that shit. But your hoe-self??? All it took was a request and three shots of tequila. The end. Add your name to the stories he will tell at his boy's house five years from the date of your impending break-up. Embellished, of course. Hoes do hoe-shit....... Ladies do lady-shit......... Hoes can do lady shit, but still be hoes........ But if a lady does hoe-shit......... by definition she can't be a lady until the hoe shit ceases.... If a hoe does lady shit, does that make her a lady?...... Hell no. Well, if a lady does hoe-shit, does that make her a hoe?...... Fuck yes. And this is why. When a gay dude does straight shit (i.e. sex a woman), does that make him straight?.........Hell no. Ok......so then when a straight dude does gay shit (i.e. strokes a dude), does that make the him gay?....... Fuck yes. Resolve the correlation on your own, I don't have time…. I got an entry to write. Now, this is not to say dude's want some punk ass strictly missionary heffa, but you have to fulfill your man's needs without succumbing to all of his wants. It's basic Relationship 101........ If you do all the things he asks...... or simply the things he asks just to see if you'll do it....... you diminish the potential. And diminishing the potential means you reduce the amount of things he has to look forward to. Which means, he gets bored because the shit ain't exciting anymore and he finds someone else who is. Here's an example: I dated a girl once who I asked to dress up in some sexy ass stripper shit and give me a full-blown lap dance, complete with a happy, cream-filled ending. But she kept putting it off and putting it off. BUT.......she would give me little pieces of it incrementally…. dress sexy as fuck one night…. grind on me when we went out to the club… play around on a pole sporadically when we passed one while out and about…. but never the full deal. Just tastes of it here and there. And you know, she never did it because she realized a few things: 1) She never wanted me to look at her like a stripper; 2) She knew that it was more of a request than an actual fantasy I wanted fulfilled; and 3) She knew not to give me everything I asked for. Yet, at the same time, she took me to heights I've seldom been by doing "regular, everyday" 21st century shit. But most folks adhere to the logic, "Girl, if you don't do it, some other heffa will." Let her.......... Let that other heffa be the hoe, not you. "Damn. So what you sayin' Kav? That I should never acquiesce???" Fuck no........ You gotta give to get......... But you have to be able to separate the shit he asks you to do from the shit he sincerely wants you to do. And if the method to doing this shit was easy to articulate and implement, I'd be rich. And I ain't rich.......... Do the math. Bottom line: If you want to keep that man, rock all of his world… some of his dreams…. and none of his fantasies. However.....If you decide to fuck with me.....I want the Freak and the Hoe.....and the Lady....cuz that just how I roll.....so forget and ignore everything you read.....I dont judge....but I do get bored easily.....but those average dudes will never look at you the same....But again speaking for only me.....I say Do what you want and to hell with those that don't like it. Ladie's sometimes you can follow ALL the rules (and drive yourself crazy in the process) and guess what he still leaves.......But so what....... People do what they want to do....... they leave cause they want to leave and they stay cause they want to stay...... If you have to try to keep him is he really yours? then again maybe I just need some new poon...... I'm jus sayin.... *Ahhhhh….. I LOVE the smell of bullshit in the morning….*