There are many stages to being a mother. From that first month your "friend" doesn't show up to hoping and praying that your 18yo will actually get his HS diploma and get out! I can still remember the fear and excitement when I found out I was pregnant. I was fortunate not to have morning sickness, but my body hasn't looked the same. LOL (ladies, don't you just hate those women who spring back to their pre-baby bodies and not a stretch mark to be found?) After the first glow of pregnancy I moved to the heartburn stage, milk would give me heartburn.....I popped enough tums to never need calcium again in my life! The first time I felt him move inside me, there are no words to express the joy and awe. Then the months move slower and slower. You go from that giddy feeling to get your foot out of my ribs! Watching as his foot moves across your belly to the other side and right back into your ribs again. No sleep due to being so big you can't get comfortable and he decides 3am is a good time to be swimming around. Then the weekly doctor's appointments start. Getting on that table and putting your feet in those stirups is not as easy as it looks when your the size of a beached whale. You think you have experienced it all....the gross syrup, needles, the joy of hearing the heartbeat for the first time, seeing his little penis in the sonogram...then the big day arives. Since I had been dialating for a week and my doctor was going out of town he decided to enduce. So waking at 6am I realize that labor has started, whew good thing I was going to the hospital anyway. Now, if you think you have experienced every humiliation just wait. After he broke my water and told me to get up and start walking around the nurses start coming and going. Taking blood, checking to see how far along you are. And do you think they can do this privately? Oh no, you have a whole gaggle in the room. Then in walks the anesthesiologist ready to stick a long needle in your spine. So much fun! On a side not, the epi is the most wonderful thing ever invented......if it lasts. Finally I can start pushing, one problem, the stubborn ass inside me decided he didn't want to come out. I'd push and he's scoot back, then the epi wore off. Ouch! Now being a man the anesthesiologist was kind enough to offer these comforting words, "what you are feeling is just pressure, not pain. they both start with the same letter but mean two different things". Now if I would have been in my right mind and not in "pressure", I would have grabbed his balls and squeezed...telling him what he was feeling was pressure not pain. My doctor finally told him to give me more drugs and grabbed the forcepts to pull the little shit out, now after all this what do you think the first thing my beautiful baby boy did? He pissed all over me! Ahhhhhh what a beautiful moment. I should have known right then, talk about foreshadowing. After the doctor stitched me up, adding in an aside to my husband that he added an extra one just for him, I was able to finally hold my bundle of joy. Well, it couldn't have been that bad, I did it two more times. lol
