Number 8: The Jailhouse Interview
The corridor is smotheringly hot. Light filters in sparingly thru microwave size barred holes hugging the spider web braided ceiling. A wall of black tempered steel bars separate me from the
condemned as Barney scouts me to my elusive destination………… ironically, cell #8. But we are not in Andy’s jail up the river a ways in Mayberry, no; this place is right out of the movie Birdman of
Alcatraz. Town’s people rumble that unexplained “accidents” and “disappearances” occur naturally around here, like apple pies on Aunt Bee’s window sill across from the ball park.
As Barney fumbles the massive key ring in search of the key to freedom, I spy my first glimpse of the now infamous number 8. Slouched against a cinder block wall and steels of servitude, rests an
obviously near-broken number. I enter and thank him for agreeing to see me and hot plate my butt next to him on his green wooden “bar stool.”
Red Blacktop: Thanks again for seeing me 8 and giving me the opportunity to report back to all of your fans across the globe of your condition and well-being.
Number 8: You’re quite welcome Red. You and all the folks down at Left Behind Magazine have been very good to me and my boy Dale Jr. over the years.
Red Blacktop: So, how you doing 8? How you holding up?
Number 8: Ah, I’m alright, I’m holding up okay. I don’t get a water hose put to me as often as I’d like in here but I’ll manage. I receive mail twice a week and want to thank all of my fans out there
for all their hard work, kind words and support during this trying time in my life. I think that I can also speak for my boy Jr. in this respect. I gain strength from all the love filled letters and
emails I receive to continue on in here day after day.
Red Blacktop: For those fans that might not know 8, what is your history as an auto racing number and why the strong ties to Dale Jr.?
Number 8: Well Red, I go way back. I’ve been around almost since the inception of NASCAR. I made my debut in ‘49 at Daytona Beach with my boy Billy Carden. I’ve ridden along with a lot of big dogs
boy………….……Joe Weatherly, Buddy Baker, Lee Petty, David Pearson and Bobby Allison to name just a few. I also rode with Dale Jr.’s grandpa, Ralph for a while. Dale Sr. bought me specifically so I could
tag along with Jr. We started a new millennium together and I would love to run with Jr. as long as he will have me!
Red Blacktop: But why Jr. 8? Is it the winning, the fame, the money, the women? Why Jr.?
Number 8: Better watch out now Red………..you gonna get me in trouble with my main squeeze 69. Nah, it’s all of that Red. I’ve won almost half my races riding with Jr. I’m more famous now that I’ve ever
been. Ever since 2000 the people have just been drawn to me, Jr. and Bud. With success and fame usually comes money and I ain’t one to lie, yeah the money’s nice. I ain’t getting any younger you
know! But the main reason is my boy Jr. You know him; you know what I’m talking about. He’s a good kid. He’ll give a guy a chance and he’ll give a guy a break. He’s humble, honest, hard working,
straight forward and just an all around good ole Southern boy. I think folks can really relate to him and I just love the guy!
Red Blacktop: You mentioned Budweiser. What’s the latest you’ve heard on the Budweiser situation?
Number 8: Latest I heard was that Bud was picked up about the same time I was and is being held at an undisclosed location. Did you know, Red, that the only drink the Pilgrims brought over with them
on the Mayflower was beer!? Yep. But, yeah, no, the fans don’t want to see us broken up, ya know? Like salt and pepper, peanut butter and jelly, white on rice, stink on, well, we won’t go
there………skunk, yeah stink on a skunk……….but nah it just wouldn’t be right!
Red Blacktop: Some say that Bud as the third Musketeer here is a bad influence on our youth.
Number 8: Nah, that’s nonsense! Did you know Red that they’ve found evidence of beer and beer making paraphernalia in the pyramids of Egypt? Yep, King Tut loved to knock a few back too. But no,
anything in moderation is the rule for living a good life. Bud has done great good all around the world thanks to their sublime recipe for the nectar of the Gods! Boy, could I go for an ice cold Bud
right now!
Red Blacktop: Any jailhouse tattoos yet 8?
Number 8: Well, I tell ya. I came pretty close the other day. There’s a number out in the yard I see every now and then, 666, which supposed to have some artistic talent. He said he could hook me up
with the Mud Flap Girl right here (points to groin). You know the girl on the back of the big rigs’ mud flaps. Ah, she’s sweet ain’t she? But no, I know Jr. likes to write his name down in there
sometime so I’ll remain a tattoo virgin for now.
Red Blacktop: How do you like the way you look. Do you like your style now, your slant, your swagger?
Number 8: Oh yeah! I wouldn’t want any changes made to me and hope like hell I’ll never have to endure another face lift again! Look at my lines…………….look at my shading……………… look at the way I lean
into the wind on that Bud car! Ah, I’m beautiful, ain’t I? I’m like the masthead of a great ship cutting through right to the future baby!
Red Blacktop: God forbid this should ever happen, but I have to ask 8. What if you don’t get to ride with Jr. anymore? What will you do?
Number 8: First of all I believe that if the good Lord’s willing and the creek don’t rise I will ride with Jr. until he retires. I honestly believe that Red. I think with prayers from the fans and
all the help from the Free The 8 Junior Nation we can make everyone involved see the logic in our goal here.
Red Blacktop: But if DEI and Hendrick can’t come to an agreement, will you ride with any other driver? Will you retire?
Number 8: I won’t ride with anyone but my boy Jr. Red. I won’t become a mailbox number or the 8 on a roulette wheel or anything like that. If worse comes to worse, I will ask for a permanent transfer
out of auto racing and would like to become the number 8 on a M1 Abrams Main Battle Tank in Iraq……………….if they’ll have me.
Red Blacktop: Thank you for all you do 8.
Number 8: Thank you Red.
And with that the gate keeper Barney herded me down the stifling corridor. As I shuffled past the many cages in a row, I witnessed a little black mouse scamper through some bars and around an old
crinkled brown bucket. I could only make out the outline of a bulk of an image lying on a paper thin mattress behind the bars. Above this indistinguishable mass, chest high, rubbed in blood were the
haunting words, “free the 8.”
Yes my friend………….Free The 8.
Graphics & Inspiration by happyblk29 on infieldparking.com
Text byMaxFan
