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Working on getting back up computer on~line so while I wait here is a silly
On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods, the golfer."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."
The couple then makes passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife.
"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he goes back to the phone.
"What are you doing now?" she asks.
"I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."
The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed.
Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!"
| Facts About Me Created by bbl4ever and taken 6196 times on Bzoink |
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| ABOUT ME | |
| Full Name: | The Hermit Of OZ aka GRUMPYTHEHERMIT |
| Birthday: | tuesday |
| Birthplace: | hospital |
| Eye Color: | Brown |
| Hair Color: | Same |
| Height and Weight: | beats me |
| Right or Left Handed: | both |
| Heritage: | American |
| Worst Habit: | Stalking folks women folks that is |
| Shoe Size: | 9.5 |
| Shoes You Wore Today: | nope |
| Innie or Outie: | depends on what you are talking about |
| Weakness: | Women |
| Fears: | Annoying the wrong woman |
| Perfect Pizza: | home made |
| Thoughts First Waking Up: | damn dog |
| Best Physical Feature: | wouldn't you like to know |
| MY FAVORITES | |
| Color: | clear |
| Food: | Edible |
| Sport: | womans figure skating |
| Animal: | CATS DUH |
| Candy: | sweet |
| Song: | "jolly mon sings" by Jimmy Buffet |
| Gum: | ChewBLE |
| Holiday: | WHAT? |
| Season: | SUMMER |
| Radio Station: | WHAT YA'LL HAVEN'T HEARD OF mp3 |
| Body Part on the Opposite Sex: | EYES |
| FRIENDS AND LIFE | |
| What do you want to be when you grow up?: | not going to grow up sorry I refuse |
| Where do you want to live when you grow up?: | see above |
| If you can change one thing about you what would it be?: | I luv me so nothing |
| Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: | like me? Like I would hang out with someone like me |
| Whose the loudest?: | |
| Who makes you laugh the most?: | making people laugh |
| Whose the shyest?: | most be you |
| FINISH THE SENTENCE | |
| Lets walk on the: | yellow brick road |
| Lets look at the: | emerald palace |
| What a nice: | nope that answer will get me in trouble |
| Never under any circumstances: | annoy a female~ they can hurt you |
| Everyone has a: | no they don't |
| HAVE YOU EVER | |
| Ran away from home: | yep joind the navy |
| Pictured you crush naked: | I'm a guy duh I picture almost all women naked |
| Skipped school: | yeah and now I can't spell worth a damn |
| Laughed so hard you cried: | often |
| Fell off your bed: | it only hurts wen your the one on the bottom |
| Cheated on someone: | like I'm going to tell ya'll |
| Drank alcohol: | well only for medicinal reason, and I do feel one comming on |
| Been on stage: | life is a stage |
| DO YOU | |
| Want to go to college: | been there |
| Want to get married: | what not again |
| Think you are attractive: | hell no~ but then again I've got a good personality |
| Play an instrument: | oh boy loaded question |
| Sleep with stuffed animals: | no the real ones won't allow it |
| THIS OR THAT | |
| Single or Group Dates: | What ever I can get |
| Strawberries or Blueberries: | peanuts |
| TV or Movie: | Book |
| MTV or VH1: | CMT |
| Boxers or Briefs: | On who |
| WHOSE THE LAST PERSON | |
| You talked to on the phone: | nope don't do phone |
| Messaged: | she knows |
| Hugged: | my cat |
| Yelled at: | my cat |
| Played a sport with: | Is Stalking a Sport |
| RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT | |
| Where are you?: | here |
| What can you see out your window?: | darkness |
| Are you listening to music?: | nope |
| What are you wearing?: | pervert why do you want to know |
| What on your mousepad?: | my mouse |
| IN A BOY | |
| Favorite Eye Color: | |
| Favorite Hair Color: | |
| Short or Long Hair: | |
| Height: | |
| Weight: | |
| Best Clothing Style: | |
| RANDOM | |
| What country would you like to visit the most?: | been there didn't like it |
| How many pillows do you sleep with?: | 3 cats and a dog who has room for a pillow |
| Person you hate the most?: | I don't do real hate |
| How many rings until you answer the phone?: | I don't answer |
| What is the worst weather?: | it's all good. |
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The Story Goes:
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded and missed the other car by just inches! The drive of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, "Why did you just do that"? this guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!! This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, The Law of the Garbage Truck."
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they will dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so.....love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
Have a fun, garbage-free day.
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Okay, now unlike folks of the hate all others God, my diety has only one comandment, face it folks I am a man my mind is to occupied with something ( or Someone) else to remember ten rules so she made it easy just one rule "DO NO INTENTIONAL HARM" sort of vague I know. But then again She is a female and like all females she expects people to know what she means. Lets look at some of them Xtian rules
that Xtain comandment thou Shall not covet your neighbors wife. As long as I covet her without her hubby knowing what is the harm?
or the commandment thou shall not Kill, folks ~~sorry some folks just need killing. rapist, pedophiles and the jackass doing 80mph in a school zone, Realy need a time out. and I see nothing wrong with sending them to her for punishment.
My favorite thou shall not steal~ sorry givin the chance I will steal a piece of you heart.
Oh and before I close this one out let me say I use Xtain because I do not want to offend real Christians by lumping them in with the babble thumpers
