It has been going on about five years now since my husband's death. Somethings haven't changed since then -- ie, leaving the tv on to drown out the silence, leaving a light on in the apartment so I am not afraid of what might may go bump in the night, never dreaming it seems again (perhaps fearing the same dream that I dreamed before he died), and leaving my glasses on (even while sleeping; even if having sex with someone I date since his death).
Two nights ago was significant in some changes, as I finally dreamed. Of course, it was about family and all of us returning to my Dad's roots in a small southwest Texas town, where I had once been close to many of my relatives there. It was a very moving dream and one that made me feel not quite so abandoned by my family. After all, they haven't known what to say to make it all better for me and have just avoided talking to me; as well as I have avoided talking to them a great deal because of not knowing what to say.
At any rate, last night, I thought I just might take off my glasses and set them aside of me on a dresser for a change of pace. Again, I slept well when I did that. I, at least, got 6 hours of sleep in straight! When I awoke, they weren't there. I felt around for them but couldn't see them. It is hard to see glasses that are mostly glass with a thin gold frame around them in the recesses of the corner of the room -- especially, when you have fuzzy vision.
I walked away, a bit frustrated and with a small degree of helplessness in being able to find my means of 20/20 vision. I looked for a flashlight, but none could be found. Finally, going back...and feeling around some more...and, perhaps, the cat who had originally knocked them off of the dresser, nudged my arm in a direction -- I found them!! Well, perhaps, "we" found them!
I was never so happy. I wasn't looking forward to having to drive without my glasses for any period of time. While I know that I probably need to see a doctor and get the prescription updated after having these lenses for the last five(?) years, I just wasn't prepared to go get a new set just yet. Perhaps, when I get my tax refund in the Spring, I will; just not now.
The old addage of when you are going through some adversities that, "You didn't get there overnight; you are not going to heal overnight," is very true indeed.
Just when you think that you are completely healed, there comes out of nowhere some other significant factors that occur to remind the recesses of your mind that healing is a continual process, and, if anyone were to tell you that it took them a few months to get over the pains, is probably not being completely truthful to themselves, although, on the surface they can put up appearances that they have indeed completely healed.
Blogging has been my healing process of a means to express. (I have blogs that go back to 2003/2004.) I thank God for that outlet; it has truly been a salvation in many ways, and the friends that I have met and been touched by along the way. I will probably never give up my blogging, but, thankfully, I was able to find my glasses today!!!
