So this is how we end…not with happy celebration, but with a deafening silence. I always thought that you and I would be able to work through any obstacle..that maybe somewhere in this world I had found the one person who could accept all my shortcomings, all my weaknesses and strengths and help me grow with her. I guess I was wrong huh? Now here I am, doing to you what you’ve done to me, not even showing me the decency to confront me face to face. Sure, I was mad at you, and you know it was for good reason. Killing myself in order to make sure we could eat the next week while you sat there mindlessly obsessed with your game…it upset me like you will never know. You will never know how hard I had to work to get us what we needed and wanted…how out of my mind I went worrying about bills and whether my measly paycheck would be enough to support us. You will never know how hard I defended you, hoping things would get better because I was married to you, and that’s what married people do for one another. You will never know how much hope I had for our future, building, growing, becoming. I truly loved you, you were my only one, my first one, probably my last one. You will be the only woman to carry my last name, this I know. Everything I did up until this point, I did for us. Not anymore. Now I am the most important person in my life. As vain and self-centered as that sounds, that is just the way I feel.
You sent me a letter…correction, your LAWYER sent me a letter saying that we were through. The divorce didn’t come as a shock to me. I knew it was coming, probably from a month or two ago. But I wouldn’t have sent a letter addressed as Mr. Williams to soon-to-be former Mrs. Williams. It wouldn’t have had two stamps nor would it have come from some God-forsaken law firm. I would have told you face to fucking face…I would have checked my anger at the front door and told you straight out that I wasn’t happy. We were together 4+ years before we got married…in all that time you NEVER let someone else convey the way you felt about me to me…So this is how we end…
There’s no way you could possibly know what I gave up for you. What I left behind. I did it because I trusted the hell out of you. I trusted you to keep your word and to help me face the world. That time at Family Heritage…I went into debt trying to go door to door every day selling insurance to people who didn’t even let me in the front door. You’ll never know how hard that was. And I maxed out my credit card, over drafted on my bank account so that we could just fucking eat for the week. All while you decided to chill at home and wait for me to come home? What kind of craziness is that?
There’s no way we can remain married. I’m not even sure we can be friends anymore, which is crazy because you were my best friend all those years. What you did to me cannot be ignored. My efforts to take care of you cannot be ignored. I don’t want anything from you that is not rightfully mine…but I am taking my heart back. It doesn’t belong to you anymore…
Good luck, and I hope you have a good life.
