I sit here thinking looking back at my life not wishing things were different because everything happens for a reason but hoping and praying that i can learn from my mistakes and become a better person. I am me and that's all i can be. I have nothing to offer n e one other than me and just me should be good enough.
People tell me that I am an awesome friend that I will make some man very happy someday but I feel like I am losing hope. I have met many people and thinking that a few of them would be the one. In the long run tho they ended up being just another guy looking to try to use me as there toy. Last i knew i was real i have a heart and i have feelings and my heart does break and my feelings do get hurt. How many chances does a person have at finding love finding someone who loves them for the good in them and the bad?? Now I am not saying it should be easy finding the right guy but gosh why did God have to make it so damn hard?
Now I know women can be just as rude and disrespectful as a man but that isn't me. I grew up with really good morals and values and I thank my mom n dad for teaching me them and guiding me thru the rough years but always letting me make my mistakes so I could learn from them. But I am an adult now and mom n dad can't really guide me anymore. I am on my own just treading with my head slightly above the water. This year has been a rough one working 2 jobs 7 days a week and having nothing to show for it. Making the desision which was a really hard desision to make to move back to where I grew up just so maybe I could swim out of that deep water and make my life better. Start fresh i guess you can say. But that has not been a bed of roses either. Moving home with no job and a shitty truck that no one should be driving in because it's a death trap. Havng to rely on my parents yet again and my wonderful sister who i don't even understand how she can stand me n e more because i have nothing and can contribute nothing. Things are slowly looking up when it comes to a job but still not quite there yet. I am not doing what I want to do the rest of my life but it will have to do for now so I can get rid of my past for good.
I can't wait to start fresh. I would love to own and operate a daycare someday. Working with kids is what I belong doing. Hopefully, starting fresh will mean having a man who loves me for me and not what i can give him. I wanna make him smile just because i walked into the room and make him laugh when he is upset. Someone I can pamper and kno I make him happy everyday!!! I just hope that man is out there. I kno he is I just have to look a little harder I guess.
Now I did not write this to get attention nor did I write this to get sympathy. I wrote it because this is what is on my mind. It is the diary of Me!!!
