Everyday, I wonder "wha's wrong w/me?"...I suffer each day w/chronic depression, constant anxiety disorders, alotta stress, fears, and worries...and knowing it's hard for me to be calm is literally impossible for me. I was once happy as a kid...and now i'm not...I am no longer happy at all. People always say "ehh, its life...get over it."...but i cant...I suffer from a major issue inside that prevents me from having wha I once had. Everyone see's their life at a different angle...some the same as most. But I don't...I see mah life in a totally different perspective as others. Yes, I do consider mah life to be a book where each day is another page written and each major event that happens in mah life starts another chapter, but that's not wha im talkin bout. I consider mah life to be mostly nuttin but a puzzle...I think bout the the constant battles I fight inside, and how i'm goin to solve it. But the problem is...each of mah own issues is a piece of the puzzle to mah life...and when i finally get it into place to solve it, I have to break that one piece down to figure out wha caused that issue...then I have to break that one down to find the cause of it...but the point that I am tryin to get at, is the fact that the reason why I can no longer be happy, is because the "happiness" that was once inside of me has been taken away by a Demon....it took away mah happiness, it took away mah ability to happy, it took away the reasons for me to be happy...I might as well face it...the Demon has practically taken away mah life...I don't know where it came from, I don know why it showed it up, how it showed up, how it got in me...I don know. And now I have to suffer each day to fight the battle w/it, but everytime I get ahead, it runs off and hides, and I can't find it anymore. The Demon hides somewhere else inside of me in a place that I can no longer hide...not only that, but it has also dimmed the light I have for God... Before the Demon showed up, I was happy, I was joyful...I was always smilin...now its hard for me to do any of it anymore. I have a candle that still burns for God, but its vaguely showin, but its still there...and I REFUSE to let the Demon finish it off. The Demon I have is slowly killing me inside...i'm losin the battle...im runnin out of ways to deminish it. The Demon has demolished mah emotions, its toyed w/mah heart, it's hurt mah brain...I am slowly becoming "no more" because of it. I sit here and I cry out to God askin for help...but I jus get "silence" in return...but I refuse to give up hope...the battle I fight w/the Demon is big...almost as big as a war...a "war" that I feel that I am goin to lose...I once had it in a place where I KNEW I wanted it to be...then it jus suddenly disappeared again...and now, I am on the search for the Demon once again...and each passin day, I slowly die a lil more n more...and I slowly become more weaker than ever...if I don win this "war" w/the Demon I am facing inside...I will die...
