424627's blog: "The Dead Scriptures"

Sorry to inform you the people of CherryTap, that I am no longer going to be around from here on in. I have found in recent weeks that my enjoyment with this site is no longer avaliable. I will be taking everything off my site in the next few days. I wish everyone here the best. Enjoy what you have, Life is only what you make it. ~Luc~

Only You *Melissa* Only you can make me feel the way I do. When we caress it feels like we are one, never two. Each time that we have touched is imprinted on my heart. My head floods with thoughts of you whenever we're apart. Only you can look in my eyes and see their rain. You take my world and turn to love its pain. Being able to be me is a gift I've never known. I love you a great deal for the passionate heart you've shown. Only you have the chance to show me life's sweet joy. I feel like a boy on Christmas Day opening his favorite toy. Every day in every way I crave you and your touch. The little things; the way you smell, your skin, soft lips and such. Only you can help me write our fairy-tale come true. Be the queen of my heart and I'll stand guard for you. Your knight in shining armour, or jester when you need laughter. Lets live a love that ends with '& they lived happily ever after'

I lost a lot as a kid. I lost my freedom to be another sport playing, hide and seek kind of kid. I've dealt with more adversities and tragedies than I've needed to. My father .. who I truly miss was never around. I met him when I was 17 and posted in a psychiatric ward, I still don't know if he came around because he felt bad or if he just wanted to look death in its eyes. I was diagnosed with manic depression at the age of 7, when I was 16 I was diagnosed with mild schizophrenia. I had nothing to live for .. still wonder to this day why I continue to fight. I don't know why I have so much to write about tonight, I think the thoughts are returning and I need to release some of the useless anger and emotion. So .. For the next little while .. I might be off.

I hated you as a man...I hated you even more as a father...You never once made it apparent that you even loved me...I was your only flesh and blood creation and you treated me shit (Dad)...Don't think that even though you have been dead for 6 years...that I still don't resent the way you treated me as your kid...I don't care that the alcohol was more important to you...The only thing that makes my anger so real and true is that you took in some money grubbing...over possesive whore...and you treated her and her daughter with more respect than you did myself...I never did you any wrong...yet I wasn't part of your life...Why the fuck didn't you just disown me when I was a child...that way we could have avoided any of the problems...But you had to drag my ass around for the ride didn't you...You were a pathetic human being...a fucking waste of my time...I wish that I never knew you...I would have been better off... So growing up without you being around Dad...I was left out of a lot of activities...It took my bestfriends father to step up and take me under his wing...guide me through life...and be a father figure...And to this day...I Love him far more than I ever loved you...I'm almost happy that your dead...All I have left to complete is to end the very existence of your former partner...Even near the end of your life...you knew my resentment towards her... yet you kept throwing her into my face...like it was a joke...were you fucking stupid?...It's your fault I wish her dead...It's your fault dad...that my life is spiraling...and she is the one who is going to break the fall... 6 Years...I've had to wonder how to live the next day...I constantly push away the rabid thoughts of anger...You would have never understood the pain you put me through...you should have taken off your glasses...and realized that you were missing a very important part of your life...but that didn't matter...you had her...I hope that you are rotting in hell...where you belong...you were never my father...you were a donor...Be proud that I even acknowledge your existance... I FUCKING HATE YOU

Its official .. I don't understand it. Why do 16 & 17 year olds believe that the only way to overcome a situation is by fighting? I volunteered to be a bouncer at a youth dance tonight .. and I had to get in the middle of 3 fights in the span of an hour. I think its safe to say that while I was busting this shit up .. I was hit at least 5 times. I hate the fact that I could only restrain them .. because on of the little fuckers intentionally took a swing at me .. though he did recieve a nice roundhouse kick to the thigh (oops). But what drives these kids to fight? Have they not learned that .. fighting resolves nothing. So for now, I'm gonna go and put some ice on my jaw .. and wish those kids were a little older.

The Way I see it .. Everything in life should happen for a reason .. no matter the look of the outcome. As of late .. everything that happens is for a negative effect, honestly its almost becoming amusing .. Just wish that I could go to sleep and not wake up. There just doesn't seen to be a reason to get up anymore .. hell for that matter .. even move. I'm almost ready to give the world the big F-U .. and roam aimlessly.