In the days of The Patriot Act and Illegal domestic wire tapping, I decided to take another look at the Bill of Rights. In doing so, I learned some things I had forgotten, but it also seemed to me that things have become a bit messed up. This is my tongue-in-cheek review of our rights!
The Bill of Rights was ratified
by citizens in these states,
But, see, now there is a problem
Today, it’s the world we face.
There are ten things Gov. cannot do,
They are spelled out for everyone.
For now, these rights are set in stone.
Let’s review them, one by one.
The right to worship where you dare
is the Number One protection.
Arab, Jew or the Satanist;
Free from undo persecution.
But when their Gods tell them to kill
we will hunt the sinners down.
We’ll even fight in foreign lands
and bomb them into the ground.
It also says to speak your mind!
It was next on Jefferson’s slate.
But, please, don’t utter the wrong words,
No obscenities from your crate.
Burn a flag and we don’t care,
The Supreme Court said one day.
Even fools deserve a voice.
But, in schools, you cannot pray.
Freedom of press is mighty nice
Till Paparazzi track you down.
How does the First Amendment
Let them treat you like a clown?
If the press is wrong, you can sue
But infrequently will you win.
The Courts have said, time and again,
Their mistakes we will pardon.
The right to gather we do have.
Thank the Gods they put this in.
Just make the choice of time and place
And let the world see you win.
Protest someone’s execution,
Say CNN and Fox News,
We will ask you stupid questions
And take shots from different views.
Right to Bare Arms is Number Two
NRA says that’s a FACT now.
Our founding fathers never saw
An SMG shot at a cow.
If they had, I truly think,
They’d be completely horrified.
A change of minds you’d see so fast,
‘less, of course, they’re petrified.
Militia is a good idea.
Let’s secure the federation.
Please don’t shoot the officers
When they come for regulation.
You’ll only see the FBI
If you buy weapons banned,
Or if you brainwash members
To take poison from your hand.
Number Three? No GIs in home:
Not at peace, nor if at war.
Unless the Houses pass a law
Proposed by a senator.
But even with that stupid law
We will ask before we do.
Forefathers said we surely must
Just don’t expect us to pay you.
No illegal search and seizure
Says amendment Number Four
Probable cause necessary
Before we break down your door.
The warrant spells out what they search,
Describing things they will seize.
So hide them where you know they won’t
Go to the judge, and say, “Please.”
Number Five’s an uncommon gem
It says we won’t take your life
Without due process of the law,
Or by talking to your wife.
Testimony from yourself, and
Oh, yeah, double jeopardy,
Will never be responsible
For removing liberty.
We will not take your property
For a bridge or a highway.
Not without compensating you
But, please, stay out of the way.
We’ll never pay you what it’s worth,
Nor what the market will bear.
We shall pay you what we think’s right
And so what if it’s not fair?
So now we come to Number Six:
Speedy trial for you and me.
Impartial juries we will have
‘Less the press first runs the story.
We will inform you of the crime
They think you have committed.
And let you confront eyewitness
And a lawyer, not dim witted.
So here we are, now at Seven,
But this one’s kind of dicey.
It’s about the common law,
And the cost of controversy.
The courts have set some precedents
From the beginning to this year
So put this one from your mind, but
Don’t let lawyers know your fear.
Punishment cruel, or excessive
Is listed in Number Eight.
High bails and fines not imposed
Except in a crime of hate.
This allows a sentence of death
When combined with Number Five.
So, while stoning is a no, no.
Injection can take your life.
The rights for you, herein displayed
Shall not be the only item.
Number Nine says it right clear
Other rights are not denied ‘em.
This simply means, to you and me,
We’re somewhat free, to a point.
Beware of our society
For they say no to that joint.
This now brings us to Number Ten
About powers left on the rack.
If it’s not stated by this doc
States, and people, take up the slack.
The constitution delegates
Power to the three branches.
But if they overstep these bounds
Beware election chances.
Gadfly Publications