next month i will be 29. a year later i will be 30! thinking about getting old used to send me straight into a panic attack. it still does sometimes...laying in bed at night my mind wanders and i get scared when i think about how someday i will be DEAD and there is absolutely nothing that i can do about it. people are born to die, & someday everyone i know & love will be dead and gone FOREVER. and nothing can stop that...
i used to have anxiety attacks every night about this when i was 19 & 20 (i thought i was so old back then!!!) i had no one to comfort me. i had to deal with it on my own. over the years i learned to calm my attacks....& now i have jamie to comfort me. most of the time when i feel a panic attack coming on (he's usually asleep cos it's always in the middle of the night) i just turn over & wrap my arms around him & i feel safe. even if it's only for that moment--i feel better knowing that i have him to spend the rest of my life with....so yeah...i have a HUGE fear of DEATH. just becos it's something i have no control over. i can't stop my death or anyone else's & that scares me.....& here i am almost another year closer to death!!!
