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LIFE

When I remember my childhood, what I miss the most are my hopes, my dreams, my ambitions, my creativity, and most importantly, my opportunities. When we enter this world, everything is new to us. Forget the whole nature versus nurture debate; from the beginning we all have an opportunity. I must admit some of the opportunities that are open to us may not be amazing. We are all given different opportunities; some are given more, others less, but alas, always an opportunity. We are not entitled to anything. An opportunity is a chance not a guaranteed result. These opportunities shape us as humans throughout our lives. Opportunity. This word has been mentioned repeatedly. Merriam Webster's Online Dictionary defines "opportunity" as, "a favorable juncture of circumstances". When we think of opportunities, we think of things that are better than they were before; advancement; improvement; progress. As children, the rest of our lives, by definition, would be an opportunity, simply as a result of progression. This is not a naive assumption stating that all of our lives get better as they go along. Should they? Probably. But the world isn't perfect and I do believe that some people are just screwed. Apologies go out for the blunt nature of the aforementioned comment. Apologies also go out to those who find themselves in that category. But for the most part, people change. They get better, they get worse. They improve, they relapse. They learn, they forget. They act, they regret. Even for those whose lives seem to be mundane and never-changing, that is usually by choice and not for lack of opportunity. Everyday I have the choice of whether or not I want to get out of bed in the morning when all I want to do is sleep.. Now some may argue that there isn't much choice here because the alternative (getting fired and not having any money) is not a favorable one. But whether the result of an opportunity is good or bad, there was still a choice to be made, an action that was taken, and a result that occurred. And we make these choices everyday. We get our asses out of bed and go to work so that we can live our lives the best that we can. Time, energy, and money play a larger role in our decision making process as adults than they did as children. But I wonder whether I would be happy as an adult if I was able to make decisions as freely as I did as a child. Oh, I remember the freedom of childhood. Actually, no, I do not remember. When I think hard about my childhood, squinting through the haze and beyond the rainbows, I do not remember making many decisions. Nope, I could not decide when to go to bed, when to wake up in the morning, what chores to do, when I could play with friends, when I could go to the movies, when I could get punished, etc. My parents were privy to those decisions with special favor toward grounding me for bad behavior. I may have had a lot of dreams as a kid. Big ones, to be exact, but what I didn't have was results. I had very little control over my opportunities and even when things worked out favorably for me, it was as a result of good old Mom and Dad, not me. Was I happier then? When I had no control? I remember being happy probably because I was completely clueless as to the role that I was actually playing in my life. But I know that if I had known then, what I know now, if I would have felt the same stress, guilt, heartbreak, and regret; I would have found myself a misanthrope at the age of eleven and I am very grateful that my childhood was not spent that way. My life needs to be about control and balance or else I will slip. Almost a diet that one needs to survive, you don't like it but if you choose not to follow the diet plan, the consequences are serious to your health. I enjoy knowing all that I know...now. I am more educated which allows me to make better decisions. I am more aware and base many decisions on the impact on others, not just myself. I have made mistakes (okay, many mistakes) and I have been hurt. I try, not always successfully though, to change my behavior so that I don't feel that pain again. So as everyday passes, I continue to do what many of you do. It is one of the hardest things there is to do. It is to live a life where we dream our dreams every night but we wake up to face reality and have a sad understanding that those dreams belong there. They belong in our private sleep where they cannot be destroyed. They may help us through difficult times and for some they will come true. But for the rest of us, balancing our dreams with the choices that we need to make is the true test. For when we can be truly happy with the present rather than the promise of the future, we know that we have made the right choices and that is what a meaningful life is all about.
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