I don't remember what triggered my obsession with the Great Sea, but whatever the event, it had a lasting impact. For I have always dreamed of the open water.....of being aboard a ship somewhere in its vastness, standing on the bow whilst the salty sea breeze blows my hair astray, sailing into the unknown. I had never seen the ocean before, never walked a white sandy beach, never heard the cull of a sea bird.....but I also never let that fact stop me from spending most of my time there. My reality was that I was born in a small village in the middle of a large piece of dirt and i had never left home. I didn't even know what lied beyond the hills that surrounded or town. But all I had to do was close my eyes and there I was....walking down that beach....watching the sea birds glide through the air just above the water's surface in search of an easy meal.
I remember reading so many books about the sea, about sailing. I studied an endless number of maps and I noticed something....they were all incomplete. More tham half the world had been unexplored. This intrigued me. Soon I realized that it wasn't the sea itself that compelled me, but what it could lead to; the undiscovered lands, the maps left to be drawn, and the mysteries that had yet to be solved. No, the sea was merely the beginning. The gateway to the rest of the world.
Little did I know that my dreams would soon come true. I would sail the Great Sea. I would walk upon unknown beaches....explore new worlds.....name them. I would complete maps. But it would come at a great cost. To become the man I am, I would have to make the greatest of sacrifices. I've come to know grief and sorrow very well. And it began with the loss of my mother when I was just a boy.
I was dreaming that morning, as I always did, of exploring some distant land. Though, the details of that particular dream elude me to this day. The roosters began crowing in the yard. It was this that ultimately woke me from my slumber. I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling. I could smell the breakfast that my mother was preparing downstairs. "Mmmmm." I thought to myself. I laid there for a few moments trying to remember my dream, but i kept drawing a blank. I threw the covers off me, and got out of my bed. I dressed myself....never once giving a second thought about the time it took my mother to make my clothes. We were too poor to buy them, so she would make all our clothes from vegetable sacs, animal skins, and the like. When I finished I walked over to my desk. It was messy, but that's how i liked to stay organized. I lifted papers out of the way until I found a small dark blue book, it was my journal. I flipped through the pages to the next entry point. I wrote the date then a bunch of question marks. I set it back on the desk and hurried downstairs.
"Where were you about this morning?" My mother asked me as she cooked some eggs on the stove. She always enjoyed hearing of my journeys no matter if they were real or dreamt.....she liked to encouraged me.
"I don't remember." I replied. I walked over to waht she was cooking.
"Well, that's a first." She said.
"I know. It really annoys me, too." I said as I grabbed a slice of bacon.
"Go tell your father breakfast is about ready, will you? She asked.
I stood there a few seconds watching her. My mother looked so radiant that morning. But in that moment it was merely a passing thought. I headed for the front door and went outside.
The sun was just beginning to peer over the horizen. Dew was still laden upon the foilage.It was hunid. You could smell the moisture. The chickens were not far from the house peaking the feed that my father had thrown about only moments before. I stepped off the porch and ran through the flock with my arms flailing about. They scattered quickly and began clucking at me. I slowed to a walk as i approached the the pig sty. The pigs were munching on some slop enjoying the cool morning breeze. My father had already been here. As I passed the sty I glanced into the cattle fields but he wasn't there....only the cattle whiched grazed lazily.There was only one other place that he could be....the horse stables. I saw him filling the horse troughs.
"Breakfast is almost finished, Father." I informed him.
"Aye." He said blankely never stopping. "Go on and feed Kilas before breakfast."
I looked at him in distain. "Do I have to?"
He looked up at me. "You wanted to keep him, Odarian. He's your horse."
"Yes, Sir." I looked at the ground.
We kept Kilas in a pen by himself behind the stable. He was a beautiful animal....creme in color, but his temperment was a problem. He was always attacking the other horses. Hurt one so bad one time that my father had to kill it. He was going to do the same to Kilas, but for some reason, i talked him out of it. So we isolated him and he became my responsibility. Mine alone. I think he enjoyed the solitude, though you could tell he longed to gallop in the pasture. I never understood why he didn't simply jump the fence and run the fields. I'm sure he could if you wanted to. But he never once tried. Its almost like we stripped him of his pride when we penned him up. And for that he had built up some angst towards us. Well against me since i was the one that fed him. I feared that horse...loathed his very existence, but the air about him was something to admire. For in his ind, Kilas, thought he was the meanest thing around. He wasn't scared of anything.....and to me, that's an admirable trait.
I grabbed a bucket, filled it with feed, and walked to the other side of the stable. After sliding the locking bar back, I opened the door.
Kilas' trough was about fifty feet from the safety of the stable. Why it was so far was beyond me. I asked my father once why he had placed it that far from the stable. "That horse is going to help you become a man." was his answer. I wouldn't come to understand the meaning of what my father had said for sometime, but back then they made me uneasy. I looked around for Kilas. He was no where to be seen. This was my chance. I stepped outside and closed the door behind me. There was still no sign of him so i gathered all the courage I could muster and ran towards the rough continuing to look for Kilas the whole way.
Suddenly, I heard a snort behind me. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around slowly. There he stood between me and the stable. He snorted again and stomped the ground. I didn't know what to do. We just stood there for what seemed like an eternity. Neither one of us moving. I think he misunderstood my fright and assumed I was standing my ground because he charged me.
It all happened so fast. I didn't have time to think. I just saw twelve hundred pounds of muscle coming at me at full speed. I closed my eyes expecting to be trampled by Kilas' massive hooves. And in that moment something happened inside of me. As a result, I did something that was surprising: I reacted. Gripping the feed bucket tightly I swung it as hard as I could.
I suppose I connected....for I was never thrown to the ground. I was never trampled. After hesitating for a brief moment, awaiting the reprocussions for my hasty action, I opened my eyes. The feed bucket was broken. Half of it laid on the ground. Feed was scattered everywhere and amongst it ....were those hooves. I looked up....I was standing face to face with Kilas. I barely reached his nose in height. I remember looking into those dark decolate eyes. I was so scared.
He just stood there....never moving, just breathing heavily and staring at me. it was a very unnerving moment. I just knew that this horse was about to stomp me into a bloody mess. But he didn't. He actually took a few steps backwards. I second guessed his gesture. Was he really going to let me go back to the stable unscathed after I hit him like that? He snorted at me softly....almost reassuring me that it was safe. I picked up the broken bucket and walked past him. The whole time I expected this to be a trick, but he let me pass.
When I got to the door I found it difficult to open it. I was consumed with adrenaline and my entire body was shaking. My hands even more so. I finally got it open. I took one last glance back at Kilas before I entered. He turned and looked at me, then started munching on the feed. I closed the door.
"Everything alright?" My father asked. He was standing at the front of the stable.
I smiled. "Yes, Sir."
My father nodded and left the stable.
Of course everything was okay. I had just stood up against a raging beast and emerged unhurt and victorious. It was the first time in my life that I was proud of myself.
I threw the broken feed bucket by some hay bails and ran to catch up with my father. We walked back to the house as I told him what had just happened with Kilas. This would be the last good converstaion, my father and I would ever have. Everything was about to change.....I just didn't know it yet.
