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Hat and Pipe

Well, Holmes, my theory is that a Dr.Edmund Chinnery is the culprit. He travelled to London from a strange northern town called royston Vasey and booked into a hotel on baker Street on the night before the robbery. With him he brought as circus-trained dog who was to be the thief. I know this because I found a dog collar in the parlour, and inscribed on a tiny metal plate were the words "You're my dog now".

He intended to sell the hat & pipe at an auction room on the coast, at a port called Flea Bay. It is well known that items belonging to the rich & famous always fetch high prices there. However, the autioneer is renowned to be a greedy, vulgar man who rudely greets winning bidders with his outstretched hand and cry of "Pay, pal".

At the moment I have no further evidence to back up my idea, and would gratefully request your speculation on the case, if any.

Your loyal servant
Dr Watson

My dear Watson,
It has come to my attention that a Mrs Doyle, who resides on a small island off the coast and attends to the local priesthood, is familiar with said auction room which entertains her passion for tea in their humble Jelly Tea Rooms. She has indicated that a substance, known only as green, adorns the neck of the crook which he 'polishes' with his woman's thumb and forefinger, leaving perfect imprints on everything he touches. Turning all he touches to green, one might expect.


The auctioneer of whom you speak, an ex primate by the name of Paul Calf, has provided evidence by means of a handkerchief with the initials E.C. embroidered neatly at the top right corner, consequently it points in the direction of this peculiar town, Royston Vasey. The Melchett Hotel has disclosed that copious amounts of cake and custard were provided to Room 42 during the period the theft took place, further indicating the suspect you have identified may indeed be the man we are looking for!

If you have any further facts you wish to divulge, do not hesitate to call on me, Watson. And never forget, it is my business to know what other people do not know.

Ever faithful,
S.Holmes

Thank you for the updates. I do indeed know of this Mrs Doyle of whom you speak as I once visited the island to treat Fathe Jack for his severe alcoholism. Unfortunately, all did not go to plan, and I was forced to leave early after developing severe stomach cramps from consuming too much tea. The green substance which she mentioned sounds familiar. I remember reading in the newspaper that a somewhat dim-witted criminal called Richard (or "Bald Richard" as he is known to his associates, on account of his thinning hair) had tried to pass it off as gold and sell it to Queen Victoria.

I have also met this scoundrel Paul Calf. Last Monday I went to Manchester to see a classical music performance. Oh, it seemed like such a "Happy Monday" at first but that was soon to change! As I walked to the concert hall, I passed the local university whose walls were dotted with stone roses and saw Mr Calf threatening a student. I tried to distract him by offering him a cigarette. He then made a criticism of my shoes using such foul words that I could not possibly repeat them here! Luckily a nearby policeman calmed the situation, and Paul left, saying he was going to see a friend named Portly Bob. However much I despise Mr Calf, I cannot deny he has provided us valuable evidence, although I am not looking forward to visiting his sister Pauline next month, who has for some reason asked me to give her a thorough examination.

I think that the next step should be to visit the Melchett Hotel and examine Room 42 in more detail, to find out the truth behind the cake, or whether it is some misleading "lie".

Ever faithful,
Dr Watson

P.S.Scotland Yard have informed me that they have decided to close the case on The Hound Of The Baskervilles as it has been discovered that The Hound was not in fact some savage dog but a young "lady of the night" called Katherine Price, who apparently is prone to attention seeking.

My dear Dr.Watson,
Alas, we have been duped! The hotel room we require is not Room 42, as stated by Melchett staff, but in fact Room 101. Discovery of clown shaped doggy treats and smearings of custard were found, adding to evidence of a circus dog partaking of the crime. Disastrously, the room harbours an ancient and curious artifact that grants certain possessions the power to 'disappear'! Such witchery can only be resolved by means of a holy hand grenade, attainable from a young card only referred to as 'RoMan', of whom I shall rendezvous in the Pig n Pokey in Pen-Upon-Paper, Derbyshire at noon tomorrow. I have been advised by locals that the only way I may engage this scallywag is by the provision of odd socks in the shape of a pinwheel. To make it so, I shall delve where no man has gone before into the uncharted territory of my washing apparatus; fight copper coin and lint to retrieve a single-socked treasure. I admit I am wary of our meeting as the name suggests a sinister nature of a possible half man half machine? What does it mean? Perhaps, a Monsturd of sorts? Only time will tell, my medically bequeathed companion.

My sources indicate that your scheduled meeting with Ms.Calf will be rewarding. I cannot brief you any further on the young lady as anyone I question merely raises an eyebrow and mutters the word "flag". I wonder if the patriotic Ms.Calf delights in occasionally raising her flag up a pole?

I am much relieved that The Hound has been discovered; the trail of pink and tanning solution was indeed a disturbingly frightful experience to all the townspeople. It pleases me to notify that the case of the Sussex Vampire has also been closed, giving more time for us to investigate our current dealings. Scotland Yard report the Vampire is none other than a Patricia Palmer, who subsequently sucks the life from all she meets with her ghastly cries for her amour, Richard.

Indubitably, it seems we are progressing well with our investigation, Watson. I hope to meet you soon in Royston Vasey in the hope we apprehend the pertinent suspect in due course.

Ever faithful,
S.Holmes


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