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wolfgem's blog: "THE ABUSIVE MAN"

created on 10/08/2006  |  http://fubar.com/the-abusive-man/b11436

THE ABUSIVE MAN

"As human beings, we cannot grasp evil so cold. We just cannot imagine this whole part of our lives that was so important, was a big nothing. A big sick lie. When it's over, we will be forgotten like yesterdays trash." "Eventually, you will come to the painful realization that you were nothing more than an instrument of their self gratification, then we're as easily discarded as a piece of gum that's lost its flavor." "I believe I've been to Hell and met the Devil" "Even now I find it difficult to fathom how you can give so much of yourself to a person and have them so totally wipe it all away as if it never happened with no remorse and go on their merry way leaving a path of destruction behind them." "Psychopaths are social predators who charm, manipulate, and ruthlessly plow their way through life, leaving a broad trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations. Completely lacking in conscience and feelings for others, they selfishly take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without the slightest sense of guilt or regret. "It is natural that loving people want love back and just try harder for that reciprocation. But beside little tokens to keep you hanging on, that real love just does not happen. It is like we say to them "I love you, don't hate me". I was too busy taking care of him and being emotionally involved with him to be able to do my homework about what was wrong with him. "He was arrested on a Wednesday morning. Thursday I spoke with the police. Friday I started to write my statement. That weekend I went for a hike in the Woods and sat in the Woods and cried and cried. Not because I missed him -- believe me, I didn't -- but because I felt so lost and alone and tired. And then I remembered to breathe. Slowly my sense of calm returned. I knew there was a lot to do but for today, what was most important was to keep breathing. Keep putting one step in front of the other until eventually, my steps would all lead into the right direction -- freedom. For most of my life I was a victim. Never admitted it. Never accepted it. That day, sitting in the woods with the rain pouring down, mixing with my tears, I accepted that I had been a victim. It was time to let go of my victimhood and take charge of my life. It was time to forgive myself for anything and everything I had ever done that hurt me and those I love. It was time to make amends with the past. And so, I cried and the healing began." "When I met him I was looking for a short cut to happiness. I wasn't able to see that until I got free. I had to honestly and truthfully face myself and admit that his promises of happily ever after, his assertions that he would take care of me, be my protector, my provider -- they were really appealing to me. Ultimately, I had to let go of fear. Fear of speaking my truth. Fear of the outcome when I spoke my truth. I took many steps to get here."
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