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Duckie69's blog: "Texas!!"

created on 02/29/2008  |  http://fubar.com/texas/b193332
Living in Texas Things I learned living in Texas 1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. 2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas. 3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas, plus a couple no one's seen before. 4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha. 5. 'Onced' and 'Twiced' are words. 6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy. 7. 'Jaw-P?' means 'Did ya'll go to the bathroom?' 8. People actually grow and eat okra. 9. 'fixinto' is one word. 10. There is no such thing as 'lunch'. There is only dinner and then there is supper. 11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. 12. Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.' 13. The word 'jeet' is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'. 14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see. 15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM. 16. 'No. Jew?' is a common response to the question 'Did you bring any beer?'. 17. You measure distance in minutes. 18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day. 19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal. 20. You know what a 'DAWG' is. 21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car. 22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup. 23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and motorsports. 24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. 25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm'. 26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas. 27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time know as 'goin' Wal-Martin' or 'off to Wally World' 28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather. 29. Fried catfish is the other white meat. 30. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit. 31. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from Texas.
How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages..... English - I Love You Spanish - Te Amo French - Je T'aime German - lch Liebe Dich Japanese - Ai Shite Imasu Thai - Phom rak khun Italian - Ti amo Chinese - Wo Ai Ni Swedish - Jag Alskar Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Idaho, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana, Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, parts of Florida: Nice Ass , Get in the truck!!!

Morning After

1. You'd rather have a pencil driven through your retina than be exposed to sunlight. 2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still." 3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint. 4. You're convinced that the chirping birds are Satan's pets. 5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet. 6. You replaced the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position. 7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!" 8. All day long your motto is, "Never again." 9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed. 10. Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Shut up!" Hope you all have a GREAT weekend!!!!!!

Yup, I'm from Texas..

Somebody from California apparently wrote the top part, but somebody from Texas came back and put them on their asses at the bottom. And whoever that was, GOD BLESS YOU! CALIFORNIA: - I can wear sandals all year long - I go to the Beach - not "down to the shore" -Our chicks are WAYYYY hotter than yours. Well...Miami can hang. - I say "like" and "for sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and I say them often - I know what real cheese & avocados taste like -Everyone smokes weed and its no big deal -We'll roll up 40 deep when something goes down. -I live next door to Mexicans, but we call them American's! -All the porn you watch is made here, cause we're better and thats how it is - I don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear - I know 65 mph really means 100 - When someone cuts me off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we dont fuck around on the road - The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border) - My governor can kick your governors ass - I can go out at midnight -You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code - I might get looked at funny by locals when I'm on vacation in their state, but when they find out I'm from California I turn into a Greek GOD - We don't stop at stop signs... we do a "california roll" No cop no stop baby! - I can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day - All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here - We're the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State.....GOLDEN!!! - We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them) - I have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means MY opinion means more than yours, which means I'm better than you [geez.... hahaha] - The best athletes come from here *******IF YOU'RE FROM CALIFORNIA, REPOST THIS*************IF YOU'RE NOT, GO SIT IN A CORNER AND CRY****** ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ TEXAS: Ahem... So.. Um.. yeah... I read this, and thought I would reply... Hey... California listen up... Texas is where its at! - I too can wear sandals all year long... plus I can put on boots to stomp your toes and I won't even stick out. - You may be able to go to the "beach" instead of the "shore"... but can you go to the drive thru "Beer Barn?" What now surfer boy? - You're chicks aren't way hotter than ours... they are almost equal... and thats only due to silicone, saline, botox, lasers and hair dye... We have the real ones and they can beat yours up. - We're taught to say "Yes Sir" and "Yes Ma'am" and respect our elders because of it. We also say "Howdy" and "fixin" and "Yall" are pretty much recognized right away anywhere in the world :) We're famous - You may know what real cheese and avocados taste like... but I know what 100% Grade A Angus Beef tastes like. Who wants avocados and cheese when you can have steak and potatoes? - Haha... who do you think grows the weed and sells it to you? - Why roll 40 deep when something goes down if 5 corn fed country boys can get the job done... - I live next door to americans, but we call them mexicans - About your Porn.... 3 words... "Debbie Does Dallas"... You can brag about it now, but we started it - Why would you brag about not getting snow days off? - We're smart enought to know 65mph means 65, but our speed limit is 70. - - When someone cuts me off, they get run over by my big ass truck, then I give them the finger and tell them to go back to california. - The drinking age is 21, but if you aren't chasin the beer by 1 yr old... you're behind. - Yeah, Well my governor became the President of the United States... yours isn't even eligible. - You can go out at midnight? Thats nice, I haven't even come home by then. - Ok... you said,"You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code" and as hard as I try I have no idea what you're talking about... I think you're watching too much tv. - Yeah, you'll definitely get looked at funny when you come to visit but we have another name for you pretty boys, and its not greek, its french. - Of course you don't stop at stop signs... none of you can drive. - You can pick up Real mexican food 24 hours a day huh... well I can swing by home depot and pick up 24 Real mexicans anytime of day. Can you say catering? - All the tv shows get filmed there... but where does your favorite poker game come from? Texas Hold'em anyone? - You can keep your golden state... We're the Lone Star State...the one and only!! - Do I have to remind you about the drive thru Beer Barn again? Does In-N-Out serve alcohol? (Oh and did I mention Dr. Pepper was created in Texas?) - You guys have the best athletes huh?... Eight words... Lance Armstrong and The University of Texas at Austin -Every things bigger in TEXAS Though I could mention MICHAEL JOHNSON - Olympic Sprinter, World record holder in 200m and 400m, 5 Olympic Gold medals, 9 time World Champion (born Dallas, Tx) Oh and remind me again who won the Rose Bowl between USC and Texas????? I believe it was the LONGHORNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - 90% of football "movies" you guys are making are about Texas Football. -Varsity Blues, filmed in Georgetown, Tx - Friday Night Lights, filmed in Odessa, Tx - Necessary Roughness, filmed in San Marcos, Texas- Any Given Sunday and many more (texas stadium. irving,TX) - Texas is the only state that can still separate to become its own country. The only way California's gonna accomplish that is if another earthquake comes along and you guys sink into the ocean. Can you say Atlantis.... hahaha Come on Texans Show Your Colors! Repost! And as the Great Sam Houston once said "Texas could survive without the United States, but the United States could not survive without Texas" oh. and ps cali whores, the TEXAS flag is the only flag that is aloud to fly as high as the US flag. you can put yours up there but it dont mean shit,
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