Dani's blog: "TEN THINGS TO PONDER FOR 2008"

THE HORMONE HOSTAGE KNOWS THAT THERE ARE DAYS IN THE MONTH WHEN ALL A MAN HAS TO DO IS OPEN HIS MOUTH &HE TAKES HIS LIFE INTO HIS OWN HANDS! THIS IS A HANDY GUIDE THAT SHOULD BE AS COMMON AS A DRIVER'S LICENSE IN THE WALLET OF EVERY HUSBAND, BOYFRIEND, CO-WORKER, OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER! DANGEROUS: SAFER: SAFEST: ULTRA SAFE: WHAT'S FOR DINNER? CAN I HELP YOU WITH DINNER? WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FOR DINNER? HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. ARE YOU WEARING THAT? WOW, YOU SURE LOOK GOOD IN BROWN! WOW! LOOK AT YOU! HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. WHAT ARE YOU SO WORKED UP ABOUT? COULD WE BE OVERREACTING? HERE'S MY PAYCHECK. HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. SHOULD YOU BE EATING THAT? YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF APPLES LEFT. CAN I GET YOU A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE WITH THAT? HERE, HAVE SOME WINE WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY? I HOPE YOU DIDN'T OVER-DO IT TODAY. I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU IN THAT ROBE! HERE, HAVE SOME MORE WINE. 12 THINGS "PMS" STANDS FOR: 1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Swing 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4. Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me with Sweets 7. Pardon My Swearing 8. Pimples May Surface 9. Pass My Sweats 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome 11. Pack My Stuff 12. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008 Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted. Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. Number 6 Some people are like a Slinky ..... Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. Number 5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Number 4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism. Number 3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00? Number 2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. And The Number 1 Thought For 2008 : " Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you do today, might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow.