I feel like it is time for me to take a stand. I'm sick of people who always have negative shit to say to me. You know the kind of people who call you everyday like you're friends or something and want to joke around with you and act like you have a bond together but somehow in every conversation they manage to slide in something negative. Maybe there is something going on in your life, something major, and they feel it's their job to tell you how to handle it. And when you tell them that you've got it under control and don't need their input, they get pissy. I am not a vacation. Please don't think of me as a break from your either overly busy life or your boring life. Don't look at the happenings in my life as a hobby for your life. Don't give me advice that I never asked for and certainly do not get mad when I don't take your unwanted advice.
I am alone right now. I live in my little military house with my little chihuahua and my growing baby in my tummy all by myself. And I'm ok with that. I don't want company right now unless I actually say the words "Hey, you, So-and-So, come to my house... keep me company." I prefer to be alone because that limits the amount of BS I have to deal with. At the moment, I only really have to deal with my BS, and the BS of the military's healthcare system. As for anyone else's BS, not my problem. In other words, keep your shit to yourself.
I'm at a point right now that if you have nothing nice or positive to say or contribute to me, then we don't need to talk. I'm not looking for anyone to kiss my ass or baby me. I'm just looking for people not to be domineering or just plain assholes. I'm on a quest to be happy right now and it sucks to say this but I'm generally most happy when I'm alone. I know I don't have an ulterior motive. If I wake up and tell myself that I'm awesome today, there is no hidden meaning and there isn't a subtle insult coming right after.
I feel like a lot of people in my life are being selfish right now and maybe I should start being that way too. So right now my priorities are my unborn baby, myself, and my deployed husband. Of course my sister's kids and my dogs are also on the list, as they are no matter what is going on in my life. But everything else is on the backburner right now... if I'm even letting it stay on my stove.
I guess I'm just ranting out of frustration, anger and a little bit of sadness. I want support that has no catches or booby traps. I don't want things that happened ages ago coming up like "Hey I am supporting you but remember that time 5 years ago when we were mad at each other... yea I'm still holding it against you so my support comes with a price." If that's the case then keep your support to yourself. And if you think I'll be more appreciative of it if you threaten to give it to someone else guess again. That will only make me want it less. If your behavior gives you satisfaction then more power to you but at this point I am washing my hands of it and you.
Maybe right now is not the time to cut a whole bunch of people out of my life but then again maybe it is the perfect time. My life is not a game, my friendship and love is not a pawn and it certainly isn't something you can put on layaway and then use at your discretion. And for the 2 or 3 people that this is seriously directed to, all of the stuff you've done in the past I maybe held against you for a minute but was soon over it because I know that noone is perfect and we all do some shitty things. So don't think I'm in grudge mode right now. I'm simply not interested in having you in my life at this moment. Maybe when you can make time for me more to be supportive than spiteful, and when I'm not as sensitive we can go back to whatever it is we normally do. But right now, just leave me alone. Don't call me when you need something if you can't answer when I need something. Don't call me to break me down if you can't build me back up. Just don't call.
