yeah,
today is no good.
not only is monday gay.
but it's also May 15th.
this is year 7.
and if you don't know what i'm talking about i guess i can explain.
R.I.P. Jeremy.
this week has been pretty hard for me. today is the hardest. you see, exactly 7 years ago, my oldest brother Jeremy James Lipinski, who was 20 at the time, shot and killed himself. i miss him so damn much. i cant believe he's been gone for 7 years now! i was only 12 when he died. i mean i turned 13 the week after, but when you think about that holy shit i was young. im 19 now, 20 on the 24th. ive grown and matured so much (being serious here). i mean he has missed so much in those 7 years. i mean i wish he was here, not just for me, but to watch his godchild and niece, Anna grow up. she was less than a year old when he died, now she will be 8 in october. i mean damn. and Matthew, our little brother, he has grown so much too! Jeremy is missing it all. i wish i knew why he did it. it would help me a lot. maybe i could actually sleep at nite. maybe i wouldnt wake up crying and shaking. maybe i wouldnt have all of those nightmares. maybe i could stop hurting myself. emotionally and physically. i miss him SO MUCH!i just wish i could wake up from this nightmare that i have been living for the past 7 years. i wish i could just wake up and it would all be gone. and Jeremy would be there to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright, and i didnt have anything to worry about because he wasnt going anywhere. but im not going to wake up, and hes not going to be there to comfort me, because its not just a nightmare, this is life, my life, without my brother. he is gone, and there is nothing in the whole fucking world that i can do to change that!i will admit that at times i have missed him so much that i have thought to take the same route as him, kill myself, so i could join him in death, but i thought of all the people here that miss him, all of the people here that help comfort me, all of the people whose lives ive touched, all of those who i have changed,all of those who i have to be here for. i cant leave them now. we have been through too much together.ill end it with this:
"Why"
by: Amber Nicole Kolp (May 15th 2001)
why does he leave us here to cry
why does the sun set over the soft summer sky
why is he gone i love him i swear
im going to be thirteen i was hoping to share
thoughts and ideas while he was there
but now he is gone he took his own life
i was oping that one day he would have a wife
and some children to laugh and play
but today he took that all away
big brother why
do you realize you werent supposed to die
you will no longer be able to look at the soft summer sky
all i have to say is why?
