I wonder what it would be like if I picked up all my shit and left it all behind? It's not something that I'm considering, well not at the moment at least. Because here where I live, I have so many that I love and care for, I couldn't imagine just running off.
But every once in a while, it crosses my mind. If like, just in the middle of the night I left, no note, no call in the morning. Just left. I wonder where I'd go, what I'd see, who I'd meet?
Sometimes I absolutly love living where I live. And then, there are times like these, that I just wonder how much I missing out on things. Visiting places, meeting new people, shit like that.
I don't know maybe it's just because of this funk that I'm in. I feel trapped, like I can't breathe half the time, and the times that I can breathe, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells because the next fuck-up that I do is right around the corner.
Ever feel like absofuckingtly no one gives two shits and a fuck about you? Even though you know that they do. I don't know maybe I'm just tired of getting stepped on every time I try to take a step foreward. Someone always has to open their fuckin mouth and tell you that you wouldn't be good enough to do it anyways.
Sucks being the person that I am sometimes, unfortuantly I make the mistake of wearing my heart on my sleeve, being completely open and loving to most people that I meet. Always there to listen, be that silly little shoulder someone needs to cry on. And you would think that when you do that for people they would do it for you in return, but nine times out of ten they don't. And I'm OK with that because I know they know I care about them.
Ugh I sound so fuckin emo right. I'm actually trying not to cry and laugh at the same time because of just how emotional I sound in my head when I read things back to myself.
I've caught myself day dreaming about being some one completely different. Almost like starting over. Pick a new name, a new personality, just a new everything. I think I'm crying out because I'm tired of some people not loving me for who I am. I love me. So why can't they?
Makes me wonder if I'm really that difficult to understand or get along with. It confuses me, because I have friends who seem to appreciate me for who I am. And then there are those that are so quick to cut me off.
But I have no problem with me. Like I stated before I fuckin LOVE me. So what I'm loud, I say really rude shit, I'm a fuckin nerd, and I don't care. So why does everybody else feel the need to judge?
Welcome to my thoughts......fun ain't it?
