This was first written some time in 2005 or before however it disappeared and then I diddled about sometime last year and re-wrote it. Then I thought I would send it to a friend in America who had seen my book. However after about six attempts she had still not been able to view it. So He who knows all looked at it and scratched his head and then asked me to forward it to him which I did. His was just as blank as my friend's email. It was on Brassy but was not anywhere else. Even the Dongle gave up the ghost writing.
Finally the man with the knowledge decided it was hidden and sent instructions to unhide it. Unfortunately they were as clear as the page I sent him. Totally blank. So Help was looked at and voilla here it is. I wonder if it was worth the effort but it is nice to know that not everything hidden is a secret.
Rather annoyed by events Sylvia Silver-Slime surveyed the route stretching endlessly ahead as far as her feelers could see.
It was irritating having to travel two sides of a triangle when a straight cut across the corners would save so much time, slime and effort. After all it was no joke dragging your home around all the days God sent. However she did attempt a streak one day and regretted her folly when she received a nasty peck from Macawber Magpie who had been watching the naked snail crawling along baring all to the World. He thought it would teach her to go out without a shell when she was meant to be doing full Silver Service.
Her job was to consume all rubbish and tit bits in her wake to prevent over-soiling on the byways.
Sylvia thought that there must be a way around the triangulation problem and gazed across the distance. She calculated that if Pi R squared was equal to the sum of the angle on the hyperbole then if she went across the middle it would take two thirds off her journey time. Maths and science were not her strong points but Sylvia was unaware of her lack in dividing and divining skills
Sylvia slithered off on the calculated route and that was when she hit a gritty problem. What she had not calculated was the unknown quantity of gravel tipped right in the middle of her trail. Even though she was a slow-goer Sylvia had gone too fast and far without thinking and was stuck fast on a very uncomfortable footing. The stranded snail called out in a screeching fashion and try as she might poor Sylvia could not move for pain. Being quite innovative she tried to do a belly roll but the embedded gravel weighed heavy and the shell weight was too much to bear. Even more cries were emitted and then to her surprise she felt her whole world turn upside down and all she could see was a pair of legs and black and white belly bearing down on her. Sylvia knew exactly what that meant and because her eyes were out on stalks she tentatively/tentically lifted her eyes to see Macawber Magpie looking down at her in a most concerned manner. He gently picked the gravel off her sore belly and when it was gone he asked if she was all right. Sylvia was rather surprised by this and wondered what to say.
She thought and replied, "I have known better days but apart from a sore podia and drying trail maker, I think I will survive." Macawber raised an eyebrow and then stood looking at her again pondering on the problem. He decided that he could not do it alone and off he hopped in search of help.
At this point, Sylvia thought that she had been abandoned and was, in one sense, relieved because at least Macawber had not pecked her, as was the case on their previous meeting. Even so, she wished Macawber had turned her back upright so the blood was not pounding around in her feelers - it was a little like having Bats Inc. in the belfry. Sylvia wriggled her airborne podia and discovered she was on shaky ground. Fortunately this disconcerting movement brought her back to the reality that Macawber had left her stranded upside down in order to save her being sprinkled in grit again.
After more time had passed Sylvia pondered on her current position and thought, This is ridiculous, as more blood rushed to her feelers. In order to take her mind off her head Sylvia began to wonder where Macawber had gone.
A few minutes later Nurse Tuffy-Tail arrived and surveyed the scene. With great precision she dabbed nettle numbing gel on Sylvia's belly and foot and then moistened it with a chamomile compress. Macawber hopped back with a Dock leaf in his beak and was told, by the Nurse, where to place it. He obliged and then following further instruction from Nurse Tuffy-Tail he rolled Sylvia over onto the leaf. Macawber rolled her one more time and Sylvia found herself sitting upright on a Dock – it had all been a bit of a trial and the day was not yet over. Nurse Tuffy-Tail told Sylvia to rest for a few minutes and then move to the edge of the Dock. Sylvia obliged after the rest period and halted, as she was told, on the edge of the Dock. Macawber had hopped off in the meantime and returned with another leaf. This one was a Burrdock and consequently much larger so, with much effort and difficulty, the exhausted Macawber placed it next to Sylvia at the edge of the Dock leaf.
Nurse Tuffy-Tail explained to Sylvia that she would need to move off the edge of the Dock and onto the Burrdock. The first part was easy and accomplished in no time but once on the huge Burrdock leaf it sent shivers up her podia into the roof of her shell. The leaf was a very strange texture and with this in mind she asked why it was called a Burrdock.
Nurse Tuffy-Tail smiled and said, "If you could see yourself shaking and shivering you would understand why it was called a Burrdock." This was fair enough but Sylvia could not stop shivering and Nurse Tuffy-Tail said, "Sylvia, you are suffering with shell shock," and went into her apron for a pot. She unscrewed the lid, dug out a small amount of salve with her clean and dexterous paw and applied it to the shivering Sylvia. "This is bees' balm and is for your shell shock. You see, in the rolling your shell has been slightly damaged and this will fill in the cracks. It will also help the shell to heal and it has pain relieving and sedating properties," she informed Sylvia.
The busy nurse applied the balm to Sylvia's shell and this soon worked helping the shaking snail to cease the shivering and regain her equilibrium.
Nurse Tuffy-Tail wanted to find out what was under foot and asked Sylvia if she would mind rolling over for a moment. Sylvia tried but was too tender still and Macawber was asked if he would assist in the snail rolling operation. Macawber obliged again and when the nurse examined Sylvia's podia she noticed that it was very inflamed even with the soothing Chamomile on.
This was worrying and she searched through her mind trying to think what would be best for Sylvia. She asked, "Does it still hurt, Sylvia or has the Nettle Numbing gel kicked in now?"
Sylvia thought for a moment and replied, "No, there is no pain so the Gel must have worked, thank you." It was a relief and one less thing to worry about so the nurse having had time to think about the inflammation again opened her apron and this time she found exactly what would do the trick. She pulled out the willow leaves and some bark and then bruised it all together.
When it was weeping the Nurse dabbed the sap onto Sylvia's podia and was relieved to hear Sylvia saying, "Ah, that feels wonderful."
The nurse smiled and said, "I am pleased because it is one of the strongest analgesics I am allowed to carry at present, without having to get a prescription from Dr. Hoot." Sylvia remarked that she too was pleased about it because she knew how long it took to get a prescription when you needed one in a hurry. Not that she was being critical but it was just one of those annoying things.
The Nurse looked at Macawber and said warmly, "Thank you so much for you assistance here Macawber and no doubt Sylvia will thank you when she is fully recovered." After Nurse Tuffy-Tail was sure Sylvia was well enough she asked Macawber if he would help just one more time and assist Sylvia back into an upright position. She turned her attention back to Sylvia and did not wish to be the one to pour salt on old wounds and in the kindest manner possible she said, "Now Sylvia, I am glad you are all fixed again and you have Macawber to thank for that and of course Mother Nature. However, perhaps you will remember next time that it never pays to cut corners just for a whim or sheer idleness. It has been a trying day for you and no doubt you will remember to keep to the straight and narrow or end up on the edge of another Dock."
Macawber waited for their exchange to finish and obliged by helping the stricken snail into an upright position again. Sylvia thanked him for his upright assistance and lifted her antennae in a thoughtful manner. The snail promised that she would indeed never veer off into uncharted territory without first testing the lay of the land in future. The nurse looked askance and Sylvia added, "Oh and I promise not to cut anymore corners either," and looking at Macawber she added, "Thank you, Macawber for both your help and not placing me on your pecking order list. I promise not to go naked trail blazing again."
Macawber looked at her fondly and merely said, "You are very welcome and we all have to learn our lessons, so do not worry. I have been stupid in my time, as you probably know." They all laughed when they remembered his past faux pas and they parted company, each with a different thought in mind and a smile on their face.
