Swinging Johnson Brothers Comedy's blog: "Swinging Johnson Brothers Musings"

VOTE!!!!!! Then Copy and post this out please!!!! Help the Swinging Johnson Brothers and Freakshow Entertainment win the spoof contest for the MTV Movie Awards.

The Movie is called "SAWdust" It's a mixture of Saw 3 and Disney's Pinocchio.

Here's what to do: Sign in to your yahoo.com account
Go to mtvmovieawards.yahoo.com/spoofs
Watch SAWdust
Rate it (the higher the rating, the better the chances of winning)
And leave a comment.

Thanks for your help! See you on cable!
The Swinging Johnson Brothers



Watch SAWdust

Hello, my fellow proud Americans from across our beautiful and magestic and lovely and breathtaking land.

My name is Juanathin Johnson and I gonna be President of the United States!

...heavy huh?

So, here it goes... I would like to be the president of the United States. I know it's a big annoucement and I spoke it over with my imaginary wife that I hope to have someday and she agrees.
"It's our duty to run.", she says while sewing an imaginary flag on our imaginary big couch.
(I should remember to ask future wife if she minds dressing up like Martha Washington.)

I am sure I will win because I feel like I have more chance then anyone running so far. I've heard some interesting things about some of our fellow canidates that I think that you all should know. After all, we are all part of this conversation. If we weren't then this would be just like you reading a some dumb blog I wrote.
And that's just silly.

For instance did you know Hillary Clinton is actually related to Bill Clinton the former president of the United States? It's true and you'd be suprised to also know that those two have had intercourse and have actually had a child while MARRIED TO....... EACH OTHER!

It's stupid that so many people don't know that... I mean stupid. It scares me so much.... I need to run for president and you need me to run for President!

Oh how about that newcomer with that weird race thing going on... Bara... O'ba... Oh that's right Mit Romney... did any of you people know that he grew up in a brothel in North Colton. If you doubt me then just ask him about being "Mormon."  I hear it's the same thing and they eat their young, in fact they eat their  young in front of their other young just so they know better than to leave the brothel without their bikes and nametags.

For you math buffs let me explain.
THE TRUTH = (THE OTHER CANIDATES SUCK)2 + I'm totally cool!

And you can totally trust me because I'm skinny!!!!

I'll spell it out to our brothers and sisters living in across our beautiful and magestic and lovely and breathtaking land, I'm so skinny it's obviously I haven't gotten away with much, and babies are really fattening so you can bet I haven't be eating my young eaither.

I don't need to show you my arms to prove to you how skinny I am do I?

Because I will... I'll show my arms lined up against every canidate you throw up against me and I'll show them one by one I'm WAY skinner then ALL OF THEM!

In the meantime I've got lots of soon to be President stuff to do. In the meantime, lick your own envelopes and keep America strong. I'll be on the late watch, keeping all of us safe from the lies of our oppressors.

I'm saying you should trust me so if I'm trustworthy and I say you should trust me then you should right?

Exactly... If you want more proof then you may hire a PI and he'll tell you... there is no pictures of me cheating on my Imaginary Wife oh no... oh no Martha and I are doing great, in fact I'm making plans already so that we can go get some fabric... How do Ya'll in the south feel about a rawhide flag?

Thanks Ron Sharp of Ron Sharp photography for the pictures of me being all presidentail and wearing plaid.

Secret info from our man on the street. Current mood: thankful Hello everyone, this is Juan Johnson with a special report. This week I spoke with local celebrity, Stranglin Jack Johnson, who claims that the Marie Calendars remodeling is "taking longer than the whole damned 'Iraq' thing." I got this unique opportunity to speak with this legendary man, not by chance, but by an arranged meeting that he set up the day before with my editor. Because of his enormous popularity, he wanted us to meet at a secure location of his choosing. I found myself at a laundry-mat full of people eating watermelon and arguing about the price of gas. When he arrived, I knew he had something in mind to discuss. He was very tall, and wearing a Superman costume meant for a 6 year old. The costume did a piss-poor job of hiding his Mandingo from me, and the rest of the watermelon munchers. "I CANT BELIEVE IT!" he exclaimed even before sitting down. "How dumb can they be?" I was awestruck at the size of the piece of string cheese stuck in his 18 inch beard. "How dumb can who be?" I asked. "Those f^&*ing people that are doing the remodeling at the Marie Calendars; its ridiculous," he said sobbing wildly. He finally sits down. His eyes were wild and his breath smelled like fresh snow. "What brought you to finally come forward after ten years?" I asked, my voice shaking. Following his heroic book Doesnt Matter, which saved our country, and, according to most Nobel Laureates, saved the world he disappeared. Why did he write it and then how could he just walk away after? I prepared for this meeting by reading his book, Doesnt Matter, a book that he still claims is loosely based on the lifestyle of Owen Wilson. "How hard is it to nail up a wall? Or put up some drywall? Jesus, these people are stupid!" I was suddenly flashed with the genius that he possessed. How could it be? Ive lived my entire life without realizing that my own problems were hurdles too. Much like the Marie Calendars, Im just taking too long to remodel. "I want some pie I just want some God-dammed pie. Ya know they've redone the floor in there at least 3 times first tile, then carpet and now it looks like sod." I struggled to understand. He stood and held his hands out as though he was trying to fly. "I dont think that people pay enough attention to speakerphones not nearly." I wrote down everything he said word for word as though my life depended on it. They should have sent another writer someone more in touch with themselves, someone that takes better notes someone who can read. I am certain at this point he can see that I am terrified. "You should try to eat an entire watermelon while underwater. I bet it cant be done." He jumped up and ran out the door singing. I slouched down in my chair. It was done. He said what he wanted and now I was free. Free to be the miserable failure that my hot, 26 year old guidance counselor touched inappropriately, according to a jury of her peers. A child gets out of a dryer and falls down. Maybe Ill be nothing more that that.

A Top 10 on Pickup lines 1."So, what's your screen name?" 2."My mom is passed out on meds. Wanna come over?" 3."Get into the back of my van, I'm not kidding." 4."I'm a tenth level wizard. Wanna see my cape?" 5."So, have you ever been to Czechoslovakia? Perhaps the Soviet Union?" 6."Hey, its singles night at the Scientology Center" 7."Let's go pray." 8."Wanna see my junk?" 9."Have you ever seen the inside of a public utilities bathroom?" 10."Someone walks up to you and spits on you. "Can I help you get out of them wet clothes?"