i need to blog whore.
deal with it.
cuz i think i just swallowed my heart.
my girlies know what i mean dammit.
ya ever...*remembers to breathe*
try and convince yourself that you're ok with something...just for the sake of being ok with it...cuz everyone and their mother knows that in the long run its the best possible solution?
and you really think you're ok.
cuz things are ok.
swimmingly in fact.
and then...one single moment...rises to the surface...and rips away any sense of security you had within yourself...and it feels like not a single second has past...and you've just swallowed your heart...so theres this huge lump in your throat...and you can barely breathe...from the shock of it all...
and theres nothing...
cuz theres nothing...
and ya really just...wanna curl up into a ball...and cry..until you cant cry anymore...but deep down you know thats the stupidest possible thing you could do...cuz its never done anything good for you previously
so ya keep talkin to the girlies you're talkin to...cuz you know they get it...but it doesnt make the 'welling' stop...
so you're sitting...
alone...
being ripped apart at the seams...
and theres no rhyme...or reason..
and how do you?
and theres nothing...
cuz theres nothing...
except some crapped up memories of what 'good' used to be...when it was fake...when it was pretend...cuz thats all it ever was...wasnt it.
i needa beer.
and a cigarette.
and mah girlies.
come see me dammit.
