2:08pm
So I was in the lunch room with a few co-workers. We were watching a show called Kidnapped, which was airing on VH1.
It brought some of us together as far as the things that most adults went through as children. I started to get into it because I was a victim myself. well... not 100% but I lived through a couple of situations, which I am not too proud of. At least, as an adult, I can say I was one of the lucky ones...
When I was 7 yrs old, I was almost raped. Yes... I'm coming out and saying it. It sucked because it was in an apartment building and there were a lot of children outside. I don't know how I happened to be the lucky one... It sucked and it hurt then as much as it hurts now.
Anywho, I remember I was out and about playing with other children. I mean c'mon, I'm 7 freakin years old, so I knew better but at the same time I didn't. So I was outside, playing with other children, and watching over my baby brother. I remember everyone crowded around suddenly at this one person's apartment. I wanted to see what the fuss was about so I went. Little did I know what was about to happen. I just thought, everyone's here, so hey why not join the crowd. Unbeknownst to anyone, the person happened to be an unregistered child molestor.
All I remember was when I turned my back, someone grabbed me from behind, covered my mouth and forcefully carried me inside the place. I was scared. The lights were all off, and the only light you saw was from the windows. He threw me onto his bed. I kept screaming and crying and yelling at the top of my lungs. "Let me go! Let me go!" I still screamed and cried and kicked every chance I could. "I want to go outside! Please don't hurt me!" I still cried and stopped moving. He was on top of me, caressing me, and I'm trying to stay still. I then started kicking, and screaming, and squirming and everything. It was just horrible. I remember kicking and kicking and kicking until I hurt him. I think I ended up kicking him in the crotch area. It was all too scary. I remember trying to break bottles on the floor, going to the door, only to realize he had a chain lock at the top. I barely reached it but I did. He then grabbed me and tried to carry me back to his bed! I remember I got loose and headed towards the door. I don't remember when my bracelet came off, but I know my bracelet had my name on it.. "Anna Elizabeth" DOB 09/22. It was just too horrible. I remember crying and crying and crying until I got out. I remember the neighbors called the police and I blacked out afterwards.
Talk about traumatic for a little girl. I often wondered what happened to that sick psycho son of a bitch, but the past is the past.
Needless to say, I repressed those memories until I was 22. I don't want to go into those details. I thought I was the only one who remembered what happened. I thought it was just a horrible nightmare. I sort of lost touch with my childhood. I was never cared for properly and never nurtured. Oh well. C'est la vie. I was and am thankful each and every day that it wasn't worse. But I do remember lots of things, even when I don't admit it right away. This is where some of my trust issues come from. Not just this situation I mean, but from within my family. All I know is I was still pushed aside.
A girl doesn't know this is going to happen to her. A boy doesn't know this might and can happen to him too. My point is, nothing major happened. I think he was charged for attempted molestation and rape of minor. Also charged for lewd conduct and acts. He did expose himself to me. That was scary. I didn't know what men looked like. C'mon!!!!!!!!! It was just all too horrible.
I guess the reason I decided to write this blog as I mentioned, is because I decided to let others know, I went through a similar situation twice. Once as a minor, and once as an adult, and it's not a fun thing. You think throughout your whole life that it is your fault, especially when your family doesn't tell you it's not. I always thought maybe I did something horrible. Maybe I hurt someone but I was only 7 at the time. I kept blaming myself for the situation that happened. I didn't know any better. What else was I going to do? How else could I feel? Who else could I talk to? These were only a few questions that went through my mind.
Also, why me? That question followed me, even when I was an adult. I thought I overcame all of it. You never quite do, but if you know how to deal with it, then maybe, just maybe, you could learn to let go and move on.
I know I did. This is my story... one of many, if you get to know me :)
I'm not a bad person really. I'm just quiet, reserved, private, keep to myself, outspoken, and shy. Some people dislike me for it. Most love to hate me. I think they find a reason to dig into my life because I usually don't let anyone in unless I can count on them, though not necessarily trust in them.... know what I mean? 2:23pm
