It has come to my attention that some of you are stupid - that is, the slow, the dense, the willfully ignorant, the ones who just don’t get it. I think we can all agree that you all should not be allowed to ask QUESTIONS. So i have decided to post answers to some of the stupid questions you may find yourself asking in an effort to save your time as well as MINES.
Q: Why dont you talk much?
A: Because I dont have anything to say..DUH
Q:Can I ask you a question?
A:You just did, and its a 1 question maximum 2day.
Q:Can you do me a favor?
A: Can you pay for this favor?
Q:Why are you so unfriendly?
A:Cause I hate answering stupid questions.
Q:Why dont you like answering questions?
A:Cause you didnt submit it in writing.
Q:Do you like me?
A:If you gotta ask then the answer is obvious.
Q:What are you doing?
A:Answering stupid questions.
Q:What are your turn off's?
A:People who ask stupid questions.
Q:What are your turn on's?
A:People who dont ask stupid questions.
Q: WHY?
A:Why NOT.
If for just one second you though about asking me any of the above questions then I am asking you to leave. Put down the mouse (which you probably don’t understand), abandon your computer (which you probably don’t understand either) and leave forever.
GO ON...GET AWAYYYY!!!
You’re still reading.
Maybe you think you’re not stupid. You might be right; the truly stupid probably coulnt have read this far along. In any case, I hope the preceding weeded out a few of our weaker-minded fellows. But yeah, like most people, I’ve got a problem with those I classify as stupid. They cause traffic accidents, they put mayonnaise on my burger when I ask them not to, and they waste my valuable time with aimless stupid questions about random nothingness.
A greater problem, however, is that I’m not sure how to define this term “stupid.” It’s a word I’ve used religiously since my primary school years, when I decided to segregate the rest of the class from the kids who insisted upon foolish notions like the possibility of planting a Skittles tree. Now that was stupid. And I’d wager there still stupid, sitting in a dirty apartment somewhere, drooling, with bits of food on there face and a vague notion that life had dealt them a shitty hand and the skittles tree will someday grow.Even worst yet they may hold a position at the DMV or Post office.
Still, I can’t come up with an objective definition of what stupid really is.
According to Webster, the stupid are “slow of mind” or “given to unintelligent decisions or acts.” But since these definitions depend on one’s opinion, I don’t feel they really capture the essence of stupid. I suppose those who score low in an IQ test would classify as stupid, but one could argue that such tests are biased and only test certain kinds of intelligence. Besides, somebody with a low IQ could easily have enough common sense to function pleasantly among the non-stupid, and it’s only the offensively stupid who irk me. Conversely, a perfectly rude person could pull straight A’s, think eloquently and have more than his or her fair share of common sense.
Stupidity manifests itself on our society today in poor decisions and the inability to learn at a satisfactory speed. However, even odious offences like treating the city streets like Mario Kart racetracks - banana peel! red shell! turbo! turbo! turbo! - or wasting the cop’s time with insane questions- “I cant park close to a fire hydrant for a second ?” - could be attributed to momentary lapses of judgement and not true stupidity.
The more I think about it, the only indefensibly stupid people in the world I can think of are those that know me and yet continue to ask me STUPID QUESTIONS and think that I am a people person.
Despite my efforts to explain otherwise, they keep asking dumb questions and expect me to be friendly. They know Im going to bitch about it. They know they’re going to get dumb answers. And yet they do it every time, resentful and broken of the belief that this time they might pull it off. Thus, I can only conclude that they are indeed STUPID-some of who, now that I think about it, might have actually went to College or a University and consider themself to be highly inteligent- are the perfect, objective personification of STUPID.
OK....I guess this means that none of the rest of you actually have to leave, seeing as how we can blame your stupid actions on one thing or another. But just think about that one person who may have actually put down the mouse and walk away. Boy was he/she stupid.
