Miss Vanima's blog: "stuff"

October was always one of my favorite months... this year it is hard though...  A year ago.. my husband and I split up for what was supposed to be a temporary separation... yeah.. not so much... May our divorce was final. he would rather be with a slut who sleeps with 7 guys in a week then be with his wife... cool no skin off my nose.... well not anymore anyway..

My ex husand and i are completely different people. I know that now.. I also know that we should have NEVER gotten married.. i loved him.. but it wasn't that "get married" kind of love...

over the past year... I have realized a lot about myself... I lived in a depression. I gave up a LOT to be with a man i shouldn't have been with... I have always been someone who LIKED going out with friends... him.. he started that way.. but became a hermit... which caused me to be one too....

I lost touch with GOOD friends... and i have been working on those friendships again.. as well as friendships i NEVER thought i would have again...

Over the past year.. I have realized that i need to LIVE with how i am.. not be a recluse.. Having that nagging "do i have cancer" thought in the back of your head... that made me realize that I needed to live life and screw anyone who says otherwise..

Life is a bitch... you go through hell... but.. growing up is coming out on the otherside and realizing you made it through...

I am happier now then i have been in years...

I may not have the money i once did... i may struggle with bills sometimes... but I am TRUELY happy... and the people that are in my life.... they make it worth it.

and i still love october

I have come to the conclusion that just about every man i have ever dated or been interested in.. they don't know what they want.

one day they want one thing.. the next something else..

drinking.. want this.. sober... not anymore

etc etc  etc

damn you all

Welp, good news

I AM TUMOR FREE :D:D:D:D:D

yay :D

on another note.. i have been told by my best friend that Thursday.. I have to go with her to this club called Cowboys.. no it isn't a country club... cowboys is the football team here..

I really REALLY loath that place... but its her birthday and she says thats where she wants to go....

damn her..

(i fucking love this....)

Kisses and Kerosene

I wish
I could have you
Here

In my clutches

To remove the excuses from your mind
To part that haze and slice your soul to pieces

To sing a lullaby 
as I tied you to the slab
To shave your head with a dulling razor

As you watch
In the splattered mirror above you

To break your ribs individually
With a rock hammer

To shatter your shin bones
With a shovel

To burn your fingers & toes
To a necrotic black
With liquid nitrogen

To crack your teeth
With a splintered club

To pierce your limbs
With a nail gun

To silence your cries
To laugh in your eyes

To sharpen my favorite slicing device
And take your arms ah the elbows

To keep u alive
For a few moments longer

To smell your fear
To cover your body
With kisses & kerosene

To watch u burn
As my human sacrifice
To hear you
Scream in agony

The popping
Of your flesh
Crackling
As it cooks

0To feel your child smile
The one u betrayed
The one you took

For nothing
For selfishness

...in a
Pefect world
I would get,
My wish.

Blarg is all i have to say right now...

I think in a few hours.. i am gonna take a few pills and sleep... sounds like a good plan right?

I should have known by the way you passed me by
There was something in your eyes and it wasn't right
I should have walked but I never had the chance
Everything got out of hand and I let it slide

Now I only have myself to blame for falling for your stupid games
I wish my life could be the way it was before I saw your face

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na

Now your photos don't have a picture frame
And I never say your name and I never will
And all your things, well I threw them in the trash
And I'm not even sad

Now you only have yourself to blame for playing all those stupid games
You're always gonna be the same and, oh no, you'll never change

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na

You want my future, you can't have it 
I'm still trying to erase you from my past
I need you gone so fast

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
Boy, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

----------------------------

fuckin love this song :D

every time i hear it i think of my ex :D

I am gonna be making salutes for my friends list peoples...

if you have a specific request.. let me know now :D

Doctor said i can't go back to work till next week.... yay... blarg