1. AS A RESULT OF THE NEW ADMINISTRATION PROPOSED FORCE REDUCTIONS AND
> BUDGET CUTS, THE NAVY HAS DEVELOPED A PROGRAM TO REDUCE THE NUMBER OF
> ACTIVE DUTY PERSONNEL. THIS PROGRAM WILL BE EFFECTIVE 1 OCTOBER 2009.
> UNDER THIS PROGRAM, OLDER SAILORS WILL BE ASKED TO GO ON EARLY RETIREMENT,
> THUS PERMITTING THE RETENTION OF THE YOUNGER SAILORS WHO REPRESENT THE
> FUTURE. THEREFORE, THIS PROGRAM WILL PHASE OUT OLDER SAILORS BY JUNE OF
> THE FOLLOWING FISCAL YEAR. THIS INITIAL PHASE OF THE PROGRAM WILL BE
> KNOWN AS SLAP (SAILORS LATE-AGED PROGRAM). SAILORS WHO ARE SLAPPED WILL
> BE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO LOOK FOR JOBS OUTSIDE THE NAVY. SLAPPED
> SAILORS CAN REQUEST A REVIEW OF THEIR PERSONNEL RECORDS BEFORE ACTUAL
> RETIREMENT TAKES PLACE.
>
> 2. THIS PHASE OF THE PROGRAM IS CALLED SCREW (SURVEY OF CAPABILITIES OF
> RETIRED EARLY WORKERS). ALL SAILORS WHO HAVE BEEN SLAPPED OR SCREWED MAY
> FILE AN APPEAL WITH THEIR CHAIN OF COMMAND WITH FINAL AUTHORITY AT THE
> LOCAL COMMAND LEVEL.
>
> 3. THIS IS CALLED SHAFT (STUDY BY HIGHER AUTHORITY FOLLOWING
> TERMINATION). UNDER THE TERMS OF TWO OTHER NEW POLICIES, A SAILOR MAY BE
> SLAPPED ONCE, SCREWED TWICE, BUT MAY BE SHAFTED AS MANY TIMES AS THE NAVY
> DEEMS APPROPRIATE. IF A SAILOR FOLLOWS THE ABOVE PROCEDURES, HE/SHE WILL
> BE ENTITLED TO HERPES (HALF EARNINGS FOR RETIRED PERSONNEL'S EARLY
> SEVERANCE) OR CLAP (COMBINED LUMP-SUM ASSISTANCE PAYMENT), UNLESS HE/SHE
> ALREADY HAS AIDS (ADDITIONAL INCOME FROM DEPENDENTS OR SPOUSE).
>
> 4. AS HERPES AND CLAP ARE CONSIDERED BENEFIT PLANS, ANY SAILOR WHO HAS
> RECEIVED HERPES OR CLAP WILL NO LONGER BE SLAPPED OR SCREWED BY THE NAVY.
> THE NAVY WISHES TO ASSURE THE YOUNGER SAILORS WHO REMAIN ON BOARD THAT THE
> NAVY WILL CONTINUE ITS POLICY OF TRAINING SAILORS THROUGH OUR SPECIAL HIGH
> INTENSITY TRAINING (SHIT). THE NAVY TAKES PRIDE IN THE AMOUNT OF SHIT OUR
> SAILORS RECEIVE AND THE FACT THAT WE HAVE GIVEN OUR SAILORS MORE SHIT THAN
> ANY OTHER SERVICE. IF ANY SAILOR FEELS THEY DO NOT RECEIVE ENOUGH SHIT AT
> THEIR CURRENT DUTY STATION, SEE YOUR IMMEDIATE SUPERVISOR IF AND WHEN THEY
> SHOW UP TO WORK AGAIN. YOUR SUPERVISOR IS SPECIALLY TRAINED TO MAKE SURE
> YOU RECEIVE ALL THE SHIT YOU CAN STAND.
>
> 5. THIS CHANGE WILL BE INCORPORATED INTO A FUTURE CHANGE TO REF A.
