SLdC's blog: "stuff ive written in the past"

PLEASE STOP TELLING ME IM PRETTY, IM DIEING INSIDE AND U ARENT HELPING AT ALL. PLEASE DONT TELL ME THAT IM FINE, WHEN ALL THESE LITTLE CUTS SAY YOU ARE SICK BUT ITS OK. PLEASE DONT TELL ME YOU LOVE ME... WETHER U DO OR NOT, IT ONLY MAKES THE PAIN WORSE, IT ONLY MAKES THE INFECTION DEEPER. ONE BY ONE I WILL PUSH U. PUSH ALL THAT I LOVE AWAY, UNTIL EVERYONE THAT CARES HATES ME UNTIL THIS WHOLE RIPS ME WIDE OPEN, SO U CAN SEE HOW MUCH I SUFFER WITHIN UNTIL THIS THING CALLED LIFE IS FINALLY OVER. NO ONE WHO LOVES ME WILL READ THIS./ IVE MESSED UP EVERYTHING.MY FORGIVENESS COMES IN FORMS OF BLOODSHED. NOTHING CAN SAVE ME AND IM SORRY, TO EVERYONE.THIS ISNT GOODBYE, JUST WISH ME LUCK FOR TOMORROW.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE NEED SOMEONE, SOMETIMES, WHEN U WANT SOMETHING SO BAD U CAN TASTE IT, & FEEL IT, IT TENDS TO START TO DIVE U INSANE. YOU WORK HARDER AND HARDER LIKE YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO PROVE, AS IF U ARE SUPER HUMAN, AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING. I SIT AND PONDER, OVER AND OVER, UNTIL I DRIVE MYSELF INSANE. NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE. IM BORED WITH EVERYTHING EXCEPT WHAT HE WANTS. IVE FUCKED IT UP SO BAD, OVER AND OVER NOT MEANING TO, BUT I THINK IVE RUINED IT, THERES NO MAKING IT UP TO ANYONE NOW. BUT I SIT AND WONDER DOES HE EVER NOTICE ME, CAN HE FEEL MY HURT, I PUT IT INTO EVERYTHING I DO IT SEEMS, AND IM DOING MORE AND MORE. AND I WONDER FOR WHAT IF IM NOTHING. AND THEN IT GOES DEEPER AND HORRID THOUGHTS ESCAPE FROM THE BLACKEST HELL THAT LIVES IN MY HEAD. WONDERING IF HE KNOWS, IF HES USING ME BECAUSE HE NEEDS ME BUT DOESNT WANT ME, YET CAN NOT ACCOMPLISH HIS GOALS WITHOUT ME. AND I SCREAM AND FIGHT MYSELF GIVING IN TO HIS EVERY DESIRE HOPING IF I DO ENOUGH HIS DESIRE WILL BE ME AND IT MAKES ME SAD, BECAUSE I SENSE IT WILL NEVER BE SO, THESE THINGS WILL NEVER HAPPEN. IM WASTING MY TIME KNOWING IM SOMEWHERE I DONT BELONG. AND WHERE I DO BELONG JUST WAITS FOR ME AND BY THE TIME I SORT THROUGH ALL THIS MADNESS IN MY HEAD AND HEART MAYBE I WONT BE WELCOME ANYMORE. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE... IM FEELING MAD FUCKING HOPELESS ONLY WANTING THE ONE THING I CAN NOT HAVE. BUT I WISH UD SEE THAT ID DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, IM DOWN FOR THE FIGHT, YOU AND I... FOR ALL THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AND ALL THAT WILL NEVER BE...