Have you not heard a single word that had been spoken? I have been here looking into your eyes for the last hour, and all you can do is nod you damn head. It seems that you are not there at all. Come on can you tell me something besides just smiling and looking at me with faint squinty eyes. I can hear your breath which tells me that you are in the room, but the darkness has overcame it. The light bulb is broken which doesn't let me see your face. You seem lost within room, but I know you are there. You are somewhere within this realm. Your smell comes throughout the room, and makes me want to puke. I can no longer stand being near you.
The thought of you being here, so close to me, makes me want to cut my veins. My hands thrust out into the open air, but nothing seems to be around. The hairs on my body stand on edge wondering if you are coming my way. Your voice seems to be stuck in my head, and I try to let you out but you stay inside deep in my conscience.
The moments come back to me when we were together. You were still breathing then, and are silent now. You lay rested and shall not come to me again. Yet still, I have tried to cut you out of my life but still in a lost piece of my mind you come back. You are just a shadow that continues to cloud my vision. It was a night that cannot seem to come out of my mind, but there are moments that seem fuzzy. I wish that it could have been different.
I was there that fateful night. If I could have changed everything that would have happened I would, but it all seems useless. I know now that I should have driven. Even today, I feel like it was my fault. How could we know what lies on the road of life? The end to such a beautiful existence shall come to such an inglorious end. Your body was used as a rag doll when we skidded off the road. Your helpless body slide almost fifteen feet and end up in the ditch. It was the tree that shot you into the field. It was the puddle of water that stopped your breathe.
Alone in this room, the cold and damp feeling comes to my skin.
In the car that night, my legs were broken and I couldn't move. My body froze, and I couldn't hear your scream. The ambulance came and carried your body away. Your face was covered with a white cloth. The cloths had been on you were soaked with a thick red. My mind froze, and the world seemed to become distorted. Hell had come around me and I was sure to be dead. But I wasn't. I could see your eyes just moments before, and they have stayed in my mind forever. Bit by bit, your body had stopped coming to the forefront of my imagination. Your eyes they had stayed with me forever. That night all that I could think about was the pain my legs. The next mourning, all that I could think about is that my life is lost forever.
Her eyes are still fixed in my memory, but even they begin to fade. The room is dark as I search for a light bulb to put into the empty light switch. Boxes upon boxes and none had a light in it that can illuminate the room. I am cast in darkness forever it had seemed. I still hear you though. Are you still there? Maybe you are just hiding in the corner? I look in the corner but you seem to be gone. Maybe it was just a memory or was it really you in my mind. Am I the one that is dead and are really you alive.
Why won't this light turn on? I have found a light bulb. The switch doesn't seem to work, and I feel you in the room. I feel that you are near, and no matter what I try to do you have been lost from my memory. Nothing about you remains, but your smell. Maybe smell is the one thing that cannot be forgotten. People may come and go from life, and we may forget their faces but the smell of them we will remember. Your smell will never be forgotten.
You linger throughout the room. The light still will not turn on. Blood drips down the side of my arm, and is cupped in my palm. I am sick of thinking about you. You are always on my mind, and seem to fade from time to time. I no longer want to have this pain in my heart from something that I could not stop. I lost you once; I don't want to lose you again.
The room seems to be so quiet. Nothing of you exists, and all that is here is the smell of mold. The lights in this place still don't light and the darkness of room begins to haunt me. I am reminded of all the things that I had done to you and all the things that had gone wrong. I should have done more to show you the way that I felt before it was too late. I never got the chance to show how much I really cared. At the end, you had become distinct and we never had a chance to mend our fences. We fallen apart, and had an argument the night of the fateful crash. We didn't see eye to and I hoped that one day we could become one again. Our tongues had gotten in the way of our minds. It was the trust for me that you had lost. It was drunken night of partying, and I still don't know what happen. You found the lipstick, but there was no girl. From that moment on, we had become strangers in the same home. We lived in different rooms. You had become a different person. Our love had gone south, and would slowly fade into the abyss.
The darkness of this room begins to get to me. Even through darkness a light shall shine through. Off in the distance that seemed to be an eternity away a light shined through the corner. It seemed too far away, and all that I could think about was the hell I put her through. I didn't mean to do whatever it was that had happened. I didn't mean to put her through hell. I wanted her to live. I wanted to be able to tell her the truth that was inside my heart, but it only began to be too late. I want her close to me to tell her the way that I feel, and to ask for forgiveness but I will never have an opportunity again. I hope that she will one day help me through the redness and heat that come from beneath.
The light that had appeared in the middle of nowhere seems to be getting much brighter in the room. Still, I search for a light bulb but none seem to come my way. Noises that hadn't been heard for quite some time fill the room. Some of the voices seemed to be quite familiar, and I wonder where they are coming from. None of them are coming from my love, and I hope that you will one day talk to me again. I listen, and hope to hear her or to even smell her but you are gone. You seems to be lost.
My voice came through the light, but I dare not come towards it. I fear it could be my mind playing tricks on me, and death would follow. I don't want to go anywhere that looks so comfortable. If you are not around, I deserve this hell that I am in. It was because of me that everything is gone. It is because of me that you had pasted. I don't deserve to go anywhere that is nice. I am the devil. I have done wrong and will not do anything right. I am a washout.
The light gets bigger but nothing can be seen in this room. I try to remember her eyes, but she is not there. My hands twitch without any reason. My left hand feels like something had grabbed a hold of it and will not let go. No matter how hard I try the sensation will not go away, and then all the sudden it vanishes. As quickly as it was gone, it returned but to the other hand. I just want to cut my hand off so the sensation leaves me alone. I pinch the area, but no pain comes.
The room has become completely covered in a bright light. Still nothing could be seen in the room, but the light. Suddenly, a familiar smell came through the room. I was almost certain it was you, but it couldn't be you. I had not seen your face in what had seemed to be years. You were gone from my whole existence. Will you come back to me if I beg? If I got down on my hands and knees would you come back to me? Alright I am on my knees? Please come back, I know it would be from the grave but I would rather be death with you then never to have you again. If I close my eyes tight enough I can see your eyes. They were the most beautiful thing that I had seen. I can still remember the taste of you lips. You always tasted the best.
I could hear her voice as though it was still ringing in my ears. She delicate soft had pressed up against my face. I can hear you as though she where talking to me right now, and I wonder how close you are to me. Your voice rings through the room, and I wonder if she had come back to me. Is her spirit near so we can be together forever?
Deep within the light, I can hear her as though she was talking in my ear. My hands become numb, and slowly I am thrust into the light. I didn't want to go, but something within me is pushing me. I try to resist, but all is futile. Objects come around me that I hadn't seen before, and they had never been in the room that was I was. Shadowy figures come from all around. They all look like great aliens. My body cannot move as though paralyzed. My hand seems to be held down my a figure that had not been seen before. I called out your name, but my lips didn't seem to move. I close my eyes, and hope that you will be near. I need you near; I want you near so that my pain can go away. I no longer want to be in the darkness and want to see your face again. I want to tell you that I am sorry, and that I will never hurt you again. I don't want to open my eyes to these things. I want them gone and you in their place.
My eyes seemed hard pressed to open. It seemed as though something was holding my lashes down. Bit by bit, I opened my eyes and a flood of light came to my eyes. The sounds of a beating heart came through the room. My legs couldn't move. I couldn't move my legs. They were not there. My legs are gone. Two stumps were at the bottom of my body. My hand was held tightly by someone, and I couldn't move. The room seemed to stand still, and yet there was a pause that came from all that were there. An image moved in front of my eyes, and could it be. It was your, my lovely. She had been here all the while. My eyes opened all the way, and pain had come immediately to my body. Chills had come down my body, and I could feel your hand and it was soft. Your voice came through my ears, and took away all my pain. It was her love and forgiveness that had taken away my pain. You had forgiven me for all that had been done, and undone. You were there, and I know it would be alright.
"I felt like it was strapped in darkness, until I forgot about you. I felt like I was in hell, until I remembered you. I felt like the world was against me, until light had come into my eyes. I knew I was loved, when I say your beautiful eyes." You looked at me as a tear had fallen down the sides of her face. You had a scar on the side of your face just below her chin. You covered it with a towel, but let me see it. You had fifty stitches clogging the blood. You were partially hurt it was I that was hurt worse. I drove she didn't. I was angry, and drove away. You hopped into the car and put on her seat belt. I cannot remember anything else. It goes blank like a white sheet of paper.
She looked down at me and smiled. "I love loved you throughout all the tough times, and been there for you through all the times of sorrow. All the moments that you had thought about letting go, and had closed to leaving us I was by your side. When you were bad, I had held your hand. When you got worse, I squeezed your hand tighter. Finally you overcame all your sorrow and came back to us. You are alive, and will live again. My love for you had not stalled, it had a momentary weakness. I will never leave in a panic without knowing the truth. It was not you that caused the lipstick. It was another, and he had told me while you laying dying. He confessed about trying to lead you astray, but you kept close to me and kept my love. I could never leave you."
